


ur all CANCELLED

by pockethans



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: @yesterday me what were u thinking, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Crack, Fluff, M/M, Memes, Stale Vines bc thats my sense of humor ig, Texting, Vines, also i just realized i typed stale vines, changbin is straight now ig LMAO, chat fic, i dont know what this is and im Sorry, i have plans for him, it is not complete, its actually.... stale memes/dead vines, jeongin is probably gonna become a cryptid, overuse of #hashtags, probably gonna be some angst at some point, rated t bc c u r s i n g, slight nsfw humor, sorry to disappoint but im p sure i wont be coming back to it, that sounded very ominous, thats gonna be Important in future chapters, thats it, thats the story, they all go to the same uni/college dont ask me for more details bc i dont got any more, theyre all gay, this fic has been marked as complete
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-07-24 01:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16171175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pockethans/pseuds/pockethans
Summary: hyunny: i'd sell u to satan for a cornchiphyunny: but that would be an insult to corn chipshyunny: also, i don't think satan would want anything to do with yousatan: can confirmminhoe: u WALK into MY houseminhoe: u SIT on MY couchminhoe: u EAT from MY fridgeminhoe: and i dont say a WORDminhoe: yet HERE U AREminhoe: disrespecting MY name????minhoe: scandalousminhoe: heathens, all of u





	1. mirror mirror on the wall....

**Author's Note:**

> today.... is a good day to procrastinate on my homework + other fics by writing another chat fic  
> be prepared for some uncreative names, bad humor, and overused jokes  
> are u ready?? im certainly not lol  
> the others will probably be introduced next chapter
> 
> also, tell me what u guys think about the format??? i dont know how easy/difficult it is to read but if yall think i should change it then feel free to let me know!! i might play around with it a bit in future chapters  
> anywho enjoy im sorry in advance  
> they're all in uni but honestly i dont know what their classes are kfldsj can u tell im winging this  
> \--  
> seungmin: satan  
> minho: minhoe  
> jeongin: baby shark  
> felix: phoenix  
> hyunjin: hyunny

**#bigdumbassenergy**

satan: today on: minho radiates big dumbass energy

minhoe: if u know whats good for u u wont expose me

baby shark: ominous!

satan: im sorry did u hear something :)

minhoe: ….

satan: ….

satan: :)

baby shark: ominous!

minhoe: i Strongly Dislike this family

phoenix: **@baby shark** do u ever say anything else besides ominous

baby shark: occasionally!

phoenix: what else do u say

baby shark: threatening!

phoenix: variety….. i like it

satan: AHEM

satan: back to my story pls?

minhoe: how about No

hyunny: honestly i thought that said amen

phoenix: PRIASE THE LORD AMEN HALLELUJAH

minhoe: ITS RAINING MEN

hyunny: god i wish

satan: we get it sweaty,,,, ur gay,,,,

minhoe: who isnt tho

satan: now can i PLEASE tell my story

phoenix: remind me again why seungmin’s in charge

satan: are u challenging my authority :)

phoenix: No Sir Absolutely Not

satan: thats what i thought

baby shark: threatening!

minhoe: siri how to get away with murder

satan: that’s what i’ll be asking siri tonight if u dont shut the fuck up ! :)

hyunny: DAMN seungmin went OFF we love a murderous king!

minhoe: way to inflate his ego

satan: aH  E M

phoenix: the floor is yours

minhoe: reluctantly

satan: thank u!

satan: so me and big dumbass #1 aka minhoe were walking down the hall and we passed the recording studio

satan: and there were some people in there bc its school hours so ofc theres people in there

satan: and someone was recording smth and rapping and minho just kinda froze in front of the door and listened to the voice and u guys shouldve seen his face he looked like he had ascended

minhoe: because i DID

phoenix: mood

satan: so yeah hes standing there looking like anna after she sacrifices herself for elsa

hyunny: damn.. i felt that

phoenix: #neverforgetfrozen

satan: and as soon as the rapper dude finishes recording minho just leans against the wall like the dramatic dumbass he is and goes “oH mY gOd i think i just had an orgasm”

phoenix: voice kink much

minhoe: shut up its not like ur voice is the second most godly thing ive ever heard

phoenix: Voice Kink Much

baby shark: im kinkshaming!

satan: but the catch is

minhoe: Hoe Dont Do It

satan: rapper dude had already taken off his headphones

minhoe: Oh My God

satan: so he HEARD minho’s declaration of orgasm

hyunny: ‘declaration of orgasm’

phoenix: the declaration of independence is quaking

satan: and rapper dude + his friends bc some other people were there too all just turn to look at minho and im pretty sure rapper dude was Fear.png

phoenix: honestly what a mood

minhoe: cmon felix u have no reason to be scared

phoenix: when im with u guys? im Terrified

baby shark: #top10animebetrayals

phoenix: except jeongin hes fine

baby shark: #top10animeduos

phoenix: #uwu

hyunny: minho radiates the biggest dumbass energy out of all of us

minhoe: thats a bold statement coming from u

hyunny: im being bullied

satan: say that again i dare u

phoenix: #whipped

minhoe: _thats a bold statement coming from u_

satan: storytime never ends when seungmin is ur host :)

minhoe: i retract all my previous statements

satan: thats what i thought :)

baby shark: terrifying!

minhoe: heathens all of u

minhoe: i cant even get some respect in this damn house

phoenix: bold of u to assume ur worthy of our respect

baby shark: hello 911! i’d like to report a murder!

hyunny: do u want some ice for that burn

minhoe: I’d Rather Perish

satan: Then Do So

minhoe: ouch

hyunny: honestly tho

hyunny: ur making the rest of us look bad

hyunny: i'd sell u to satan for a cornchip

hyunny: but that would be an insult to corn chips

hyunny: also, i don't think satan would want anything to do with you

satan: can confirm

minhoe: u WALK into MY house

minhoe: u SIT on MY couch

minhoe: u EAT from MY fridge

minhoe: and i dont say a WORD

minhoe: yet HERE U ARE

minhoe: disrespecting MY name????

minhoe: scandalous

minhoe: heathens, all of u

hyunny: we’re literally roommates tho???

minhoe: H E A T H E N S

phoenix: #allmyfriendsareheathenstakeitslow

satan:  #top10animebetrayals

hyunny: #sadlife

satan: #cantrelate

minhoe: what is today??? attack minho day??

phoenix: bold of u to assume thats not everyday

satan: honestly i feel sorry for rapper dude

minhoe: i thought we moved past that

minhoe: storytime is OVER

satan: Every Time Is Story Time

baby shark: ominous!

minhoe: CANCELLED

hyunny: yeah like rip to whoever has to deal with having minho as their secret admirer

phoenix: or rather,,,, not so secret admirer,,,

minhoe: fuck u im a delight

satan: In What Universe

baby shark: Not This One

minhoe: ur all CANCELLED

hyunny: mirror mirror on the wall, which one of us is the biggest dumbass of them all

phoenix: mirror: *whispers* m i n h o

minhoe: mirror: CANCELLED

satan: smh minho u cant just cancel everything u dont agree with

minhoe: oh yeah?

minhoe: watch me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle up folks its gonna be a Wild Ride  
> this is dedicated to all of the skz chat fics ive read idk if u guys will ever see this but ily keep doing ur thing


	2. peace is a social construct (honestly tho, everything is a social construct)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> must forgetti: hes just,,,,, a very beautiful person,,,, sent to us by the heavens,,, whom i admire very much,,,
> 
> french baguettei: bold of u to assume hes from heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have assignments i have to make up bc i missed 2 days of school but its hurting my head so here i am,,, throwing this chapter together instead  
> im Not promising consistent updates so,,, ye ah dont expect another update tomorrow fjsklj  
> also happy birthday to chan!! its oct 3rd where i am and thus it still Counts  
> i would write a more heartfelt message but my brain is dead atm but ur such an amazing person, ur so talented, u never fail to make us all laugh, and ur the perfect leader for the skz team. we love u. please take care of urself!  
> here we introduce the other 4!  
> \--  
> moms spaghetti: woojin  
> must forgetti: jisung  
> much regretti/bang bang: chan  
> french baguettei/chang chang: changbin

**knees weak… arms heavy...**

must forgetti: so im standin there

must forgetti: reeling in s h o c k from what i just heard

french baguettei: bbq sauce on my titties

french baguettei: aw damn i was too late

must forgetti: Honestly? Anything wouldve been Better

moms spaghetti: was it really that bad?

must forgetti: Yes It Was

french baguettei: not rly

must forgetti: binbin D:

much regretti: No It Wasn't

must forgetti: chan bro i trusted u

much regretti: That was your First mistake

must forgetti: betrayed,,, by my own father,,,,

much regretti: I didnt ask for you to be my son

must forgetti: O u c h

moms spaghetti: wow i felt that

french baguettei: same,,

must forgetti: neither of u are gonna stand up for me?

french baguettei: ..

moms spaghetti: …

must forgetti: :(

french baguettei: ….

much regretti: …….

must forgetti: JFJSljfdsk

must forgetti: >:((

-

must forgetti: omg i didnt tell yall the WORST part

french baguettei: that the person who said they orgasmed over ur voice was ur crush??

must forgetti: FUCK U hes not my crush

must forgetti: hes just,,,,, a very beautiful person,,,, sent to us by the heavens,,, whom i admire very much,,,

french baguettei: bold of u to assume hes from heaven

much regretti: #emo

moms spaghetti: chan you’re not using that hashtag correctly

much regretti: #dont care

french baguettei: chan u cant put a sp  a c e between the words

much regretti: #cant stop wont stop

must forgetti: burn it

much regretti: #im a bad bitch you cant stop me

moms spaghetti: i-

must forgetti: jfkdsjfls

french baguettei: flsdm

must forgetti: OK BUT

moms spaghetti: why are you telling us this story

must forgetti: bc i have to Cry about my Trauma

moms spaghetti: we were all there though??

must forgetti: let me p e r i s h in peace

french baguettei: wemme pewish

much regretti: C u r s e d

moms spaghetti: i didnt raise you like this

must forgetti: pls refer to my username

much regretti: Have I ever told you guys how much I regret existing

moms spaghetti: everyday, honey

moms spaghetti: everyday

 

**private chat: its not a phase dad**

bang bang: He called me h o n e y

chang chang: he calls us all honey?

bang bang: Let me be gay in p e a c e

chang chang: peace is a social construct

bang bang: ..

bang bang: I mean-

 

**knees weak… arms heavy...**

must forgetti: i hate to be that One dude but

must forgetti: remind me again why changbin’s name is ‘french baguettei’

moms spaghetti: do you really wanna know

must forgetti: mayhaps

much regretti: It involves one (1) freshly baked french baguette, a flamethrower, a 5 pound dumbbell, a canister of shaving cream, 6 feet of rope, and my cousin’s old winter coat

must forgetti: Forget I Asked

french baguettei: i wish i could forget…

must forgetti: wow binbin ur really living up to ur #emo name

moms spaghetti: dont we all…

much regretti: I drink to forget….. But I always remember….

much regretti: *dramatically blows nose in handkerchief*

must forgetti: y a l l

must forgetti: one emo is enough in this household

french baguettei: i cant believe jisung is the responsible one now

must forgetti: in this house… Someone Has To Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for reading uwu stay tuned for the next chapters!  
> i promise chan knows how to meme ok jfkldsjf


	3. in which jeongin instills fear into all of us and we mourn the loss of greta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> satan: wakey wakey ur all mistakeys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "wakey wakey ur all mistakeys" is the Funniest Thing i have ever come up with and i feel like a dumbass for laughing at my own joke but y k n o w w h a t  
> anyway the mii theme is My Theme and i was out of ideas so i had to include it  
> ngl im not too proud of this chapter and i rewrote it like 5 times oof
> 
> also *kazoo noises* How Does This Have Almost 100 Kudos it's existed for like 5 days and it has 2 chapters and its Not Funny so holy heck tysm?? ily guys and i dont deserve :'))
> 
> anyway y eah the link jeongin sends,,, you've probably seen it before. im Not sorry  
> \--  
> satan: seungmin  
> hyunny: hyunjin  
> phoenix/koala: felix  
> minhoe/boneless: minho  
> baby shark: jeongin  
> kangaroo: chan

**private chat: kangaroo & koala**

koala: channie

kangaroo: Yes my cousin dearest?

koala: u never told me why u needed my old coat?

kangaroo: …

kangaroo: some things are better left unknown

koala: mmmm ominous!

koala: but i want answers

kangaroo: i’ll tell you when you’re older

koala: u said that when i was 10

kangaroo: and

koala: im 21 now

kangaroo: your point is?

koala: sometimes i lay awake in the dead of the night wondering what became of my favorite green and red plaid coat 

kangaroo: that thing was hideous

koala: SHUT UP greta has feelings u know :( 

kangaroo: G r e t a ? ? ? ?

koala: sometimes i can still hear her voice…

kangaroo: what were you On

koala: i was high on the happiness of childhood innocence

kangaroo: ..

kangaroo: i mean im happy for you but i #cantrelate

 

**#bigdumbassenergy**

satan: wakey wakey ur all mistakeys

hyunny: what a wakeup call we love a functional alarm clock!

minhoe: Local Dumbass Butters Up Satan In Hopes Of Staying Alive. Will His Plan Work?

satan: we're not talking about u we're talking about hyunjin

minhoe: .

minhoe: why r u attacking me at 8 am

satan: never too early to attack minho

phoenix: #bestfriendculture

minhoe: bold of u to assume we're best friends

satan: bold of u to assume id stoop that low

minhoe: who h u r t u

satan: You Did

minhoe: what did i DO

satan: exist

minhoe: ...are u all seeing this

hyunny: yes

phoenix: yea

minhoe: and u guys arent gonna say anything about it????

hyunny: ..

phoenix: ..

phoenix: seungmin ur doing great sweetie

hyunny: what biting words! we love a harsh yet truthful king!

minhoe: that's Not what i meant but ok

satan: the COURT is on my side 

satan: its 1 vs 3 

satan: have fun suffering

minhoe: the court is CANCELLED

satan: sorry thats not how it works

minhoe: ur all CANCELLED

baby shark: Long Live The Court

hyunny: !! morning jeongin

baby shark: h-hewwo? uwu

phoenix: normally i would say Cursed but i think i just melted

hyunny: big uwu

minhoe: obama is quaking in his grave

satan: ur all Whipped

minhoe: as if u arent

satan: shut

baby shark: i just read up and  **@satan** are u saying im a mistake D:

satan: no no

satan: ur the exception

baby shark: :D

minhoe: #whipped

satan: #watchurfuckingback

minhoe: im being Attacked 

phoenix: what else is new

minhoe: can i catch a fuckin BREAK smh yall

satan: the only break ur gonna have is a break in ur fuckin bones

minhoe: Bold Of U to assume i have bones

baby shark: w h

phoenix: can i get uhhhhhhhhh Boneless pizza

hyunny: beGONE with ur dead memes

phoenix: can i get uhhhhh Boneless minho

minhoe: yes im right here hello ;)

phoenix: goodbye

minhoe: ouch

**minhoe’s user has been changed to boneless.**

satan: what kind of Cursed Convo

boneless: do u not accept me for who i am

satan: Begone Cursed Demon

hyunny: the boneless doesnt work for satan… satan works for the boneless

phoenix: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS U

baby shark: s t a y a w a y f r o m m y f a m i l y

boneless: this is #bonelessphobia

baby shark: #top10animebetrayals

phoenix: how tragic alexa play the mii theme

satan: the… the mii theme???

phoenix: i only listen to Real Music

boneless: the mii theme is Iconic

satan: 1053r5

hyunny: #neverforgetthemiitheme

baby shark: The Mii Channel Theme But Every Pause Descends You Further Into Madness

boneless: … nice

phoenix: mild_fear.jpg

hyunny: why does that sound vaguely familiar

baby shark: [:)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdiPRHUwI7A)

hyunny: O h

phoenix: ,,,ominous

hyunny: …

phoenix: …

satan: …

boneless: …

baby shark: uwu

satan: god thats terrifying

boneless: my Theme Song

boneless: everyone say thank u jeongin

satan: how about No

hyunny: sounds like smth you'd hear in a horror movie ngl

phoenix: well! here come the nightmares


	4. (.______.)-< whale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> french baguettei: nevermind god has abandoned me someone sat beside me
> 
> must forgetti: HEJJS god took 1 look at u and said “Let Him Suffer”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i has a stroke of inspiration in math class for Some Reason bc life hates me and whenever i have free time i have no inspo but when im trying to learn math then i gotta have fic ideas
> 
> for some reason i havent been able to type so jisungs caught the typo fever  
> y e e t enjoy  
> \--  
> much regretti: chan  
> moms spaghetti: woojin  
> must forgetti/squirrel/cursed/cuwsed: jisung  
> french baguettei/sandwich/emo head/fhckin emo head: changbin

**knees weak… arms heavy…**

must forgetti: WHATS THE SCOOP

moms spaghetti: ice cream?

much regretti: Ice cream?

must forgetti: .

must forgetti: this is why i need new friends

much regretti: :(((((((((

moms spaghetti: jisung thats not a very nice thing to say D:

moms spaghetti: its ok, chan, he didnt mean it!

must forgetti: bold of u to assume i didnt

moms spaghetti:  _ he didnt mean it :)) _

must forgetti: y E s haha i d idnot mean it im sorry m o m and d a d i love u 

much regretti: It's ok Sungie 

moms spaghetti: see! was that really so hard? 

must forgetti: Thats What She Sajd

must forgetti: said*

must forgetti: dammit

must forgetti: ok but Real Talk like noah fence yall but nobody here appreciates mg memes :(((

must forgetti: my**

much regretti: I'll appreciate them :(

must forgetti: chan u cant even meme Correctly

much regretti: Bold of u to assume I can’t

french baguettei: ominous.

must forgetti: BIMBIN

must forgetti: BINBIN*

must forgetti: why cant i TYPE but omg where have u been

must forgetti: u left me ALONE with the parents who cant  m e m e

moms spaghetti: we're right here u know :////

french baguettei: sorry

must forgetti: no ur not

french baguettei: im on the bus

french baguettei: i was trying to listen to some music but u guys didnt Shut Up so now im here

must forgetti: sorry lol

french baguettei: no ur not.

must forgetti: ur r i g h t im not

moms spaghetti: there's a thing called muting the chat

must forgetti: ksbkdnsjs

french baguettei: eh

french baguettei: if i mute then i'll miss the chance to watch jisung embarrass himself

must forgetti: G A S P

must forgetti: BETRAYED by my own BROTHER

much regretti: O u c h

french baguettei: Long Live The King

must forgetti: IWYUWJE

moms spaghetti: absolutely Not im still traumatized by that movie

much regretti: Aw c'mon it wasn't that bad

moms spaghetti: h e d i d n t d e s e r v e t o d i e : (

much regretti: I'm sorry yes it was horrible

much regretti: Kids the Lion King is banned I'm sorry

much regretti:  **@moms spaghetti** I'll be over in 5 to give you cuddles

moms spaghetti: : )

french baguettei: gross

must forgetti: #whipped #younglove #parents

french baguettei: ew theres people getting on the bus

french baguettei: @whatever higher power is up there please let me sit alone

must forgetti: and here we have a wild antisocial changbin in his natural habitat,,,,

french baguettei: nevermind god has abandoned me someone sat beside me

must forgetti: HEJJS god took 1 look at u and said “Let Him Suffer”

french baguettei: this is so tragic alexa play wake me up inside

must forgetti: #prayforchangbin

french baguettei: stop ur gonna make me laugh and Embarrass myself in front of the dude

must forgetti: awww dark changbinnie thinks im funnyyy >w<

french baguettei: i take it back

must forgetti: :(

must forgetti: ok but is the dude sitting beside u a boy

french baguettei: “dude” shouldve given it away

must forgetti: i mean,, i dont see u as the sort of person to call girls “dudette”

french baguettei: .____.

must forgetti: hHHHHh DONT .____. ME THATS SCARY

french baguettei: ._______________.

must forgetti: ..

must forgetti: (.______)-< whale

must forgetti: SHIT hes missing an eye

french baguettei: ://

must forgetti: en o u g h of this bullying

must forgetti: is the dude Hot

french baguettei: Listen

french baguettei: just bc i am a Raging Homosexual

french baguettei: it does n o t mean i find every dude hot

must forgetti: that wasnt a no ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

french baguettei: i mean hes Okay

french naguettei: i take it back hes a literal god

must forgetti: ┬┴┬┴┤ ͜ʖ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴

french baguettei: no

must forgetti: ┬┴┬┴┤ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)├┬┴┬┴

french baguettei: do Not

must forgetti: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

french baguettei: Begone

must forgetti: changbin has a crushhhhhhh

french baguettei: n o i d o n t

moms spaghetti: my mom senses are tingling!

much regretti: As are my dad ones

french baguettei: jisung u goof look what youve d o n e

must forgetti: uwu

moms spaghetti: so… crush? do tell

french baguettei: jUST BECAUSE I THINK SOMEONES HOT DOESNT MEAN I HAVE A C R U S H

much regretti: U know we love u no matter what, right?

french baguettei: thats it i quit

**french baguettei is offline.**

must forgetti: he Totally has a crush

moms spaghetti: aw now i have to pester him with questions and i dont wanna do that :///

much regretti: Dw I got u

moms spaghetti: :)

must forgetti: id rather Not third wheel so y e e t bye

much regretti: Ajshsksj??

moms spaghetti: oh okay! bye sungie!

\--

**private message: changbin is illuminati confirmed**

squirrel: binbinnnnnnn

sandwich: what.

squirrel: im sowwy if i huwt youw feewings :(((

sandwich: its chill but Why are u talking like that

squirrel: i know youw sensitive :((((((((

sandwich: i take it back apology not accepted and u r Cursed

**squirrel’s name has been changed to cursed.**

**cursed’s name has been changed to cuwsed.**

sandwich: i hate you

cuwsed: no u dont uwu

sandwich: ur on Thin Ice

cuwsed: can u hear

sandwich: No

cuwsed: m y h e a r t b e a t

sandwich: s t o p

cuwsed: iM TIRED OF FEELING

sandwich: Mo od

cuwsed: fhckin emo head

sandwich: nice censoring

**sandwich’s name has been changed to emo head.**

**emo head’s name has been changed to fhckin emo head.**

cuwsed: this is b u l l y i n g

fhckin emo head: everything is bullying to u

cuwsed: i have to be treated with Care

fhckin emo head: This Side Up

cuwsed: kHjsbsnsns

fhckin emo head: oh my g od

cuwsed: WHAT

fhckin emo head: hot dude beside me just laughed at smth on his phone

fhckin emo head: is this what an angel sounds like?

cuwsed: awwwwwww uwuwu

fhckin emo head: u would ascend too if u Heard His Laugh and Saw His Face

cuwsed: send pics

fhckin emo head: no wtf thats creepy

cuwsed: i see u have some morals

fhckin emo head: unlike y o u 

cuwsed: that Hurted :(((

fhckin emo head: good.

cuwsed: >:((

cuwsed: but u admit hes hot

fhckin emo head: i mean yeah hes a God but i dont think i have a crush

fhckin emo head: h e c k hes trying to Talk to me???

cuwsed: ooOOO hes s o c i a l

cuwsed: u guys r polar opposites

cuwsed: if u get his number im gonna yell

cuwsed: they grow up so fast :’)))

cuwsed: but also i Mean if u dont actually have a crush crush thats chill too 

cuwsed: but u rlly need someone in ur life

cuwsed: maybe then youll stop sulking all the time

cuwsed: binbinnnnnnn

cuwsed: whered u gooOOOOO

fhckin emo head: can u shut ur mouth for like 2 seconds im trying to have a conversation

cuwsed: TELL HOT DUDE I SAY HELLOOOO

fhckin emo head: u are Insufferable

fhckin emo head: he says, and i quote, “ayo wass poppin b” and i think i just lost faith in humanity

cuwsed: JSJKDJD HES A KEEPER

cuwsed: also u never had any faith in humanity to begin with

fhckin emo head: ur Right

fhckin emo head: ok well hot kid had to go

cuwsed: rip

cuwsed: did u get his number

fhckin emo head: …

fhckin emo head: maybe

cuwsed: omg u diD didnt u

cuwsed: whats his name????

fhckin emo head: thats for me to know and u to Not Know

cuwsed: but binbinnnnnnnn

fhckin emo head: nope

cuwsed: :((((

cuwsed: add him to our gc

fhckin emo head: thats the Dumbest idea ive ever heard

cuwsed: aww cmon 

fhckin emo head: no bc 1) our gc is sacred and 2) hes gonna see me saying hes hot which is a Big nope

cuwsed: ,,,,,,ok fair

cuwsed: make a new gc then

fhckin emo head: ew work

cuwsed: :(((((((( i wanna meet him thooo

fhckin emo head: Sorry, Changbin isn’t at the phone right now. Come back never.

cuwsed: this is #jisungphobia

cuwsed: ur a big bULLY

cuwsed: KJHDKSJ BINBIN COME BACK

cuwsed: this is so sad alexa play im so lonely

cuwsed: >>>:((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take a guess as to who u think the mystery bus dude is... its not who u think ;)))


	5. whomst,,, is bus boy??? find out next time on dragonball z

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cuwsed: who were u texting
> 
> fhckin emo head: noneya
> 
> cuwsed: whos noneya
> 
> fhckin emo head: None Ya Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this on the bus this morning djjdjx so im sorry if theres any typos i was Tired  
> to the people who guessed who the bus boy was,,,, sorry im not telling yet uwu next chapter you'll find out! ty for reading, leaving kudos, and commenting! it really makes my day <3  
> \--  
> antisocial/fhckin emo head/chang chang: changbin  
> cuwsed: jisung  
> bang bang: chan  
> social: ???

**private chat: bus buddies (the antisocial social club)**

social: so u never told me why u were laughing on the bus that other day

antisocial: it was just my friend being dumb

social: u,,, have friends??

antisocial: Very Funny

social: yeah i am glad you noticed ;))

antisocial: yes i do have friends tyvm 

social: despite your antisocialness?

antisocial: they approached me first.

social: dskljfs valid

antisocial: im gonna assume u have friends?

social: ye i do

social: they’re a bit Wild ™ but ive known them for a while

antisocial: mood

antisocial: my friends are horrible

antisocial: theyre all pining losers

antisocial: two of them are pining for e a c h o t h e r and the other has a crush on someone else 

social: theyre pining on each other omg

social: for how long???

antisocial: its been Almost Two Years

antisocial: and thats only been as long as ive known them bc they knew each other before i met them both

social: o m g

social: what kind of kdrama

antisocial: riGHT??

social: whos the person that ur other friend likes

antisocial: some dude

social: h e l p f u l

antisocial: i think he takes dance?

social: !!!

social: i take dance! maybe i’ll know who it is

antisocial: o thats cool

antisocial: uhhh well idk his name but he orgasmed over my friends voice the other day?

social: …

antisocial: NOT literally i mean 

antisocial: idk if i mentioned this yesterday but my friends and i make music?? we actually have a soundcloud and a youtube channel

antisocial: we were recording smth the other day and the dude who Happened to be my friend’s crush walked past us and apparently heard my friend rapping

antisocial: then he announced very Loudly that he had a quote on quote orgasm

antisocial: my friend is still Shooketh ™ to this day

social: ……..omg

antisocial: what

social: i know who your friends crush is

\--

**private chat: changbin is illuminati confirmed**

cuwsed: binbin wtf

fhckin emo head: what.

cuwsed: u were texting during class today

fhckin emo head: and?

cuwsed: u never text during class

cuwsed: who were u texting

fhckin emo head: noneya

cuwsed: whos noneya

fhckin emo head: None Ya Business

cuwsed: .

cuwsed: >:(( 

cuwsed: binbinnnnnnnn 

fhckin emo head: w h a t

cuwsed: why were u texting during classss

fhckin emo head: cause i can

cuwsed: but thats not like youuuu

fhckin emo head: well forgive me for having a social life

cuwsed: ur middle name is LITERALLY “antisocial”

fhckin emo head: ,,,

cuwsed: omg

cuwsed: is it Bus Boy

fhckin emo head: no

cuwsed: IT IS ISNT IT

fhckin emo head: its n o t

cuwsed: so u DO have a crush

fhckin emo head: no

fhckin emo head: i dont

cuwsed: im telling daddddd

fhckin emo head: PLease No

cuwsed: >:3333

fhckin emo head: if it werent for the laws of this land,,,

 

**private chat: its not a phase dad**

bang bang: Jisung told me-

chang chang: N o

chang chang: whatever he said

chang chang: it wasnt true

bang bang: So

bang bang: No crush?

chang chang: no crush.

bang bang: D:

chang chang :////

chang chang: he’s pretty

chang chang: but i just dont feel that Feeling

chang chang: yknow?

bang bang: Yeah, I get that

bang bang: And that’s totally fine. Don’t feel like we’re forcing you to like him.

bang bang: We’ll support you regardless :)

chang chang: thanks dad

bang bang: Vndkfj you’re welcome son

bang bang: It would be kind of nice to meet this mystery dude though? You’ve never really made friends outside of the three of us

chang chang: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

chang chang: maybe

chang chang: sungie keeps asking me to make a gc with him or smth

bang bang: Mm

bang bang: Well, if you choose to, we won’t stop you

chang chang: *shrug*

chang chang: maybe i’ll ask later

bang bang: Alright

chang chang: and chan?

bang bang: Yea?

chang chang: stop talking properly

bang bang: sjfkjdls

chang chang: i can see thru ur ruse

bang bang: :(((

bang bang: someone has to be literate in this house


	6. well rip the ot5 i guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ungrateful heathen: im preparing the bees
> 
> ungrateful heathen: u better lock your doors tonight mimbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not too proud of this chapter either but what can u do ig  
> i'm gonna be going to the mountains over the weekend so i probably wont be on as much,,, so i just went ahead and wrote this. im sorry for the mild angst it'll be resolved i promise  
> congrats to the people who correctly guessed bus boy's identity !! yes, i purposefully chose to not do felix. yes, changlix is still the endgame ship :)  
> \--  
> satan/ungrateful heathen: seungmin  
> boneless/mimbo: minho  
> phoenix: felix  
> hyunny: hyunjin  
> baby shark: jeongin

**#bigdumbassenergy**

hyunny: so im sitting there

phoenix: bbq sauce on my titties

hyunny: thank u

phoenix: np b

satan: please continue.

hyunny: right so

hyunny: im sitting beside this person

hyunny: andhes dressed in all black and he had that Dark Aura yknow??

hyunny: so i thought “well shit im either 1) sitting beside someone who fucks with dark magic, 2) sitting beside an actual demon, or 3) sitting beside someone whos just Very Emo”

jeongin: which one did you think it was?

hyunny: number 2 ofc

satan: dumbass

boneless: for ONCE im not the dumb one

satan: ur Always the dumb one

boneless: ;_;

boneless: attacked in my own house

satan: u dont Own this house

boneless: g a s p

boneless: whos paying the rent BITCH

boneless: thats what i thought

boneless: ungrateful heathen

hyunny: technically, minho, we split the rent-

**satan’s name has been changed to ungrateful heathen.**

ungrateful heathen: do u have a death wish

boneless: perhaps i do

ungrateful heathen: im preparing the bees

ungrateful heathen: u better lock your doors tonight mimbo

phoenix: mimbo

**boneless’s name has been changed to mimbo.**

baby shark: are yall like

baby shark: done flirting

baby shark: can hyunjin continue his story now

phoenix: damn jeongin went OFF

hyunny: THANK U jeongin

mimbo: flirting?? ew

ungrateful heathen: ew

ungrateful heathen: i think i just threw up a little

mimbo: i am a taken man thanks

ungrateful heathen: u literally scarred ur crush the other day

mimbo: u dont know that

ungrateful heathen: ur gonna die single

mimbo: tell that to my future boyfriend

ungrateful heathen: which one? the nonexistent one or the nonexistent one

hyunny: y  A L l

ungrateful heathen: sorry

mimbo: seungmin?? saying sorry??? in what universe

ungrateful heathen: i will prepare the spiders too dont Test me

baby shark: guys >:C

mimbo: sorry

ungrateful heathen: sorry

phoenix: sorry

hyunny: ?? why are u sorry felix

phoenix: im sorry for existing

mimbo: oh mood

ungrateful heathen: fuckin emo ass

baby shark: dont be sorry felix!! we’re glad u exist

phoenix: :)

ungrateful heathen: most of the time

phoenix: D:

baby shark: all of the time >:((

ungrateful heathen: eh

mimbo: seunghoe be Nice smh

ungrateful heathen: as if ur one to talk mimbo

hyunny: i;ll fuckin wait

mimbo:

ungrateful heathen:

phoenix: man 2min is really wildin today

**mimbo has left the chat.**

ungrateful heathen: fucking finally

**baby shark has kicked ungrateful heathen out of the chat.**

baby shark: continue hyunjin

phoenix: jkhzkxjA Powerful

hyunny: sdjkl man thanks jeongin

baby shark: yw :)

 

**private chat: seungmin and jeongin**

seungmin: jeongin wtf

jeongin: talk it out

jeongin: nobody’s letting u two back in until u guys get the sticks out of ur ass and apologize and actually act like u care about each other and the rest of us

seungmin:

seungmin: did it really seem like that

jeongin: it really be like that sometimes

seungmin: youve been spending too much time around felix

jeongin: no

jeongin: ive been growing up while the rest of u guys continue to act like children

seungmin: wh

seungmin: who hurt you

jeongin: im just really tired of seeing u guys argue all the time

jeongin: not just here but in real life too

jeongin: u guys interrupted hyunjin’s story and even when we asked u to stop u guys didnt,,

jeongin: maybe im just getting pissy about something really small but i really care about you guys and i just want us to all get along,,,

seungmin: oh

seungmin: fuck

seungmin: im sorry jeongin

jeongin: dont apologize to me

jeongin: apologize to minho

jeongin: and hyunjin

jeongin: ...and felix too

seungmin: ight,,

seungmin: but still im really sorry our fighting upset u

seungmin: we were only playing around

jeongin: were you?

seungmin: i mean

seungmin: i think we were

 

**#bigdumbassenergy**

hyunny: so yeah

hyunny: we exchanged numbers and hes really funny skskks yall should meet him someday

phoenix: whatd u say his name was?

hyunny: cmon felix i said it like 29083e03 times

baby shark: “e”

hyunny: shh

hyunny: anyway his name is changbin

hyunny: hes /? a year older than me i think

baby shark: im glad ur actually making friends outside of us, hyunjin

hyunny: i cant tell if thats a compliment or an insult

baby shark: :)

phoenix: damn jeongin youve been spending too much time with seungmin

hyunny: speaking of seungmin

baby shark: speaking of ur boyfriend*

hyunny: KJFASD HES NOT MY BOYFRIEND????

baby shark: but u wish he was (:

hyunny: wh A t??? n O ????

phoenix: its ok hyunjin

phoenix: we been knew

hyunny: jksldjsjsdfkds

hyunny: whomst the fuck told u

baby shark: its kinda obvious??

phoenix: ^

hyunny: aa a a    a do u think he knows then

baby shark: nah

phoenix: hes too oblivious

hyunny: G,,,ood

hyunny: anyway can we like,, , delete these messages i dont want him to see them when he comes back

phoenix: bold of u to assume he’ll be back

baby shark: ^^^^^

baby shark: but dw hyunjin i got u

**baby shark has deleted 18 messages.**

hyunny: ty jeongin

hyunny: ur a lifesaver

baby shark: i try :’)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can i just say that whenever i read one of you guy's comments i get really happy?? like aklfjd even if its just a small one they all make me screech softly so thank you so much to everyone who's commented!! you guys really make my day <33


	7. the ot5 is back together uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minho: will there ever be a day where u dont call me dumb
> 
> seungmin: i feel like im obligated to remind u of the truth
> 
> minho: google.com is it possible to leave a private chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yet another chapter written in math class hA h i have a test tomorrow please help me
> 
> anyway,,, 2min: thriving. felix: dead in a ditch. jeongin: slowly rising to power. hope u enjoy!

**private chat: minho and seungmin**

minho: seungminnnnnnnn add me back to the chat

seungmin: get someone else to.

minho: nobody else said they will

seungmin: did u even ask them??

minho: ,,,

minho: thats Beyond the point

seungmin: you absolute crackhead

minho: >:((((

minho: just add me backkkkkk

seungmin: no

minho: WHY

minho: this is discrimination

seungmin: against who??

minho: against Me

minho: minho discrimination

seungmin: how tragic

minho: thats sarcasm isnt it

seungmin: :)

minho: jJJhssjhsjsksjshsj just add me back Bls

seungmin: i Cant.

minho: WHY

minho: is it rEALLy that difficult to add me to a c h a t

seungmin: when im not in the chat? its literally impossible

minho:

minho: o

minho: well why tf are u not in,the chat

seungmin: its complicated

minho: like you?

seungmin:

seungmin: off with your head, roach

minho: hah roaches can still live without their heads

seungmin: i swear to god

minho: god has abandoned us

seungmin: i mean youre not Wrong

minho: ,,

minho: w hAt?

seungmin: what.

minho: did.. did u just agree with me

seungmin: only bc you didnt say something dumb

seungmin: for Once

minho: Ahsjshs rUDE

seungmin: sksksk

seungmin: um

minho: yes

seungmin: what

minho: whatever you were gonna say

minho: Yes

seungmin: its not a yes or no statement tho???

minho: y  E   s

seungmin: you: a fucking dumbass

minho: will there ever be a day where u dont call me dumb

seungmin: i feel like im obligated to remind u of the truth

minho: google.com is it possible to leave a private chat

seungmin: :)

minho: ;(

minho: anyway werent u saying smth

seungmin: huh?

seungmin: oh

seungmin: yes i was before you so Rudely interrupted me

minho: sorry

seungmin: no ur not

minho: ur Rite continue

seungmin: ok

seungmin: uh

seungmin: i just wanted to say

minho: spill the tea honey

seungmin: sorry

minho no ur not

seungmin: no

seungmin: i am

minho:

seungmin: i dont know if anything ive said has ever hurt you but i just wantedto say sorry for constantly picking on you and being a shithead,,,

minho: whoawhoawhoa

minho: back the fuck up

minho: hold your horses

minho: reverse

minho: do not collect $200

minho: where is this coming from

minho: whomst the fucketh gave u the idea that u were hurting me

seungmin: no,,,one,,,,

minho: sounds Fake but ok sweaty

seungmin: seriously

seungmin: i want to apologize

seungmin: i always thought we were just playing around but ive said some really shitty stuff and i want you to know that i dont mean it

minho: but sometimes u mean it

seungmin: ..Most of the Time

seungmin: listen this is hard for me ok just know that if ive ever gone too far i didn't mean it

minho: honestly its fine?? i didnt even care abt it

minho: come to think of it ive been a bit of a shithead too so im sorry too

seungmin: :’)

minho: :’)))

seungmin: so uh

seungmin: friends?

minho: bold of u to assume we werent already

seungmin: akjsks

 

**private chat: hell**

satan: when did the chat name change

satan jr: uwu

satan: i.. ok

satan: anyway uh

satan: u can add us back now

satan jr: hmmmm

satan jr: how do i know u actually sorted ur shit out??

satan: are u Really making me do this

satan jr: :)

satan: i cant believe satan jr is stronger than satan

satan: fine

**satan has sent 3 screenshots.**

satan jr: perfect

satan: im mild fear

satan jr: i learned from the best uwu

satan: th..thanks?

satan jr: uwu

 

**#bigdumbassenergy**

**mimbo has been added to the chat.**

**ungrateful heathen has been added to the chat.**

phoenix: welcome home children

mimbo: im older than u tho

phoenix: Welcome Home Children

hyunny: ayyy we missed u

mimbo: :’00000 rEaLlY???

hyunny: correction: **@ungrateful heathen** we missed you

mimbo: i havent even been here for a minute

mimbo: and ive already been Attacked

ungrateful heathen: aw i missed u guys too uwuwuwu

baby shark: correction: hyunjin missed you

hyunny: W h a t

baby shark: :))

hyunny: i

hyunny: nO

ungrateful heathen: so,, u didnt miss me?

hyunny: yes

hyunny: no

hyunny: W a i t

hyunny: yes i missed u hshdjd

phoenix: a panicked gay in his natural habitat

**hyunny has kicked phoenix from the chat.**

mimbo: fuckin rip

ungrateful heathen: youve learned well young padawan,,,

baby shark: can we add him back tho

mimbo: no

baby shark: pls :(

mimbo: yes ofc

**phoenix has been added to the chat.**

phoenix: **@mimbo** b e  t r a y a l

baby shark: #top10animebetrayals

mimbo: its each man for himself out here

ungrateful heathen: oh hes back??? Shame

phoenix: Kjaknsns

hyunny: felix :)

phoenix: ,,,

phoenix: y-yeS?

hyunny: one more word out of you and youll regret it :)

phoenix: jHsjjsks yessir

mimbo: ominous…


	8. felix is dead and we killed him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dead meat: BETRAYAL
> 
> baby shark: ,,,,
> 
> dead meat: JEONGIN NO
> 
> baby shark: ,,,,,,#top10animebetrayals  
> \--  
> in which everyone betrays everyone, minho is a Rat, jeongin is a snake, hyunjin is taylor swift and felix is found dead in miami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was originally going to be in the last chapter, but then i decided to just make it seperate ! also im sorry for not putting the usernames last chapter i was in class and i just wanted to get it posted sksk  
> this is honestly just crackheads being crackheads ,,, im lowkey trying to figure out how to get 3racha + wooj into this but theyll hopefully appear next chapter  
> Yall,,, 3 More Days,, until the comeback ,,,, guess who's not ready,,,, mE h ah  
> thank you as always for your comments and kudos! somehow we've reached over 200 kudos and im just jksaljfdsl *aggressively throws love at all of you*  
> \--  
> phoenix/dead meat: felix  
> ungrateful heathen/stan: seungmin  
> hyunny: hyunjin  
> baby shark/slippery snek: jeongin  
> mimbo/sandwich thief: minho

**#bigdumbass energy**

baby shark: helloooo

baby shark: an apple a day keeps anyone away if u throw it hard enough!

mimbo: okAY, s a t a n

hyunny: great life advice

phoenix: wHAKSUJS

ungrateful heathen: uhh there can only be One satan in this household

baby shark: uwu

mimbo: jeongin’s giving u a run for ur money

ungrateful heathen: _there can only be one_

hyunny: yeah sorry seungmin but i think ur being dethroned

ungrateful heathen: wow

ungrateful heathen: betrayed by my best friend :(

baby shark: #top10animebetrayals

hyunny: im sorryyyy :((

phoenix: theres a new stan in town

mimbo: STAN

hyunny: S T A N

phoenix: saTAN*

ungrateful heathen: .

baby shark: honey,,, u got a big storm coming

phoenix: shit

ungrateful heathen: ..

ungrateful heathen: felix,,,

phoenix: sHIT

ungrateful heathen: did u just,,,, call me,,,, Stan

phoenix: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

 **ungrateful heathen’s name has been changed to stan**.

stan: youre dead fuckin meat

phoenix: IT WASNT MEKSHDJNSJX

**phoenix’s name has been changed to dead meat.**

dead meat: KWSHSKNS HELP PLEAS

mimbo: sorry ur on ur own man

dead meat: BETRAYAL

baby shark: ,,,,

dead meat: JEONGIN NO

baby shark: ,,,,,,#top10animebetrayals

dead meat: aaaAAA A A A A  AHYUNJIN PLS CONTROL UR BEST FRIEBD/BOYFRIEND

mimbo: friebd

stan: ??? boyfriend?

hyunny: sorry the old hyunjin cant come to the phone right now

mimbo: how tragic

stan: any last words felix??

dead meat: I WASNT THE ONE WHO ATE HYUNJINS SANDWICH LAST WEEK IT WAS MINHO

mimbo: HEY

hyunny: g  A S P???

mimbo: HYUNJIN I THOUGHT U COULDNT COME TO THE PHONE

hyunny: SUDDENLY I AM AT THE PHONE

baby shark: if ur gonna go out u gotta drag someone else down with u

mimbo: WE HAD A D E A L

hyunny: MINHO DID U RLY EAT MY SANDWICH

dead meat: THE DEAL IS IRRELEVANT NOW THAT IM D E A D

mimbo: BETRAYED

baby shark: *softly* #top10animebetrayals

hyunny: MI N H O

mimbo: W H A T

dead meat: SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME

hyunny: MY SANDWICH??? DID U CONSUME???

stan: open ur door felix :))))

dead meat: nO O O O O O O O

 **dead meat is offline**.

stan: :)

**stan is offline.**

baby shark: ominous!

mimbo: ..

hyunny: …

mimbo: ….

mimbo: i cant believe seungmin killed felix

hyunny: **@mimbo** did you eat my fucking sandwich

mimbo: ,,

mimbo: OK in my defense

mimbo: i was hungry

hyunny: bitch sO WAS I IT WAS MY LUNCH

mimbo: ITS EVERY MAN FOR H I M S E L  F

hyunny: U OWE ME A SANDWICH

mimbo: FELIX OWES ME AN APOLOGY FOR RATTING ME OUT

baby shark: ur the only rat here minho

mimbo: ,,

hyunny: KHskjsks go off jeongin

mimbo: im telling seungmon to go after u next

hyunny: s e u n g m o n

baby shark: he wont he loves me too much uwu

mimbo: smfh ur rite

mimbo: why do u have to be so cute yet so mean

baby shark: uwuwu

hyunny: im telling seungmin to go after minho

mimbo: p l e a s e s p a r e m e

hyunny: sandwich thief

**mimbo’s name has been changed to sandwich thief.**

sandwich thief: another day, another attack to my pride

baby shark: what pride?

sandwich thief:

**sandwich thief is offline.**

hyunny: jHjsjsn

baby shark: and then there were two uwu

hyunny: jeongin out here doing the gods work

baby shark: so ive been told

hyunny: ,,,, minho owes me a new sandwich :((

baby shark: do u want me to buy one for u?

hyunny: :0

hyunny: ty but no ty i dont want u to use ur money

baby shark: i wont

hyunny: ,,then how

baby shark: ill tell minho i need money to buy myself some lunch or smth

baby shark: he'll give me the money bc nobody can say no to me

baby shark: then i use the money he gave me to buy u a sandwich

hyunny: …omg

hyunny: jeongiN u evil little shit

hyunny: ur really taking advantage of the fact that we're whipped for u

baby shark: uwu im a slippery snek

hyunny: a cute snek

**baby shark’s name has been changed to slippery snek.**

hyunny: all my uwus go to One boi

slippery snek: dont u mean 2

hyunny: ?

slippery snek: seungmin

hyunny: kHnbsjsbsjs

hyunny: w-well

slippery snek: dont even Try to deny it

hyunny: fine

hyunny: 2 bois

slippery snek: :)

hyunny: sjsgdksn

hyunny: ur lucky ur cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact the thing jeongin said is something that my friend has actually said before and i still lose my shit about it to this day  
> also i know Normal Authors give their twitters and tumblrs and stuff but guess whos not normal,,, yes u guessed right,, Me. so if i post my insta here and say that i may give out sneak peeks of future chapters and works,, would yall follow me?? just asking cause i dont wanna post it and then have everyone ignore it jsjfkl


	9. and so it begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minho: what the shit is this  
> seungmin: what is this shit  
> jeongin: this is shit  
> felix: shit  
> \--  
> or: the one where 9 boys finally join together to form one big blob of Big Dumbass Energy. chan and woojin are already exhausted, minho continues to suffer, and changbin regrets every decision hes every made in this life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lkjas it took me 9 chapters to get all 9 of them into one gc are u all proud of me
> 
> anyway this chapter is way longer than my usual ones and ill probably be making them shorter after this but aslfk next chapter will be introductions!! stay tuned for that!
> 
> names:  
> must forgetti/chan is my daddy: jisung  
> french baguettei/antisocial/captain (america): changbin  
> much regretti/im not his daddy: chan  
> moms spaghetti: woojin  
> social/head honcho: hyunjin

**knees weak… arms heavy…**

must forgetti: **@french baguettei** can u pick me up a cup of coffee bls

french baguettei: no

must forgetti: i'll pay u back

french baguettei: no.

must forgetti: B ls

much regretti: I'll get you one

must forgetti: BLESS thank u chan

must forgetti: im glad S O M E O N E cares about me here

must forgetti: ill pay u back later

much regretti: No no it's fine

much regretti: You don't have to

must forgetti: :0 w-weawwy?

french baguettei: cursed

much regretti: Yeah, really

much regretti: It's fine

moms spaghetti: chan youre a broke college student can u really afford 2 cups of coffee

much regretti: Anything for my Son

must forgetti: thanks daddy uwu

moms spaghetti: absolutely Not

much regretti: i take it back

much regretti: d is o w n e d

french baguettei: C u r s e d

must forgetti: >:(((

 

**private chat: son why am i son**

im not his daddy: Chocolate mocha with extra chocolate and whipped cream, right?

chan is my daddy: !!!!

chan is my daddy: u actually remembered my order!!!!

im not his daddy: ofc i did

im not his daddy: Who doesn't?

chan is my daddy: changbin.

im not his daddy: Jshjsns

 

**private chat: bus buddies (the antisocial social club)**

social: so like

social: ive been thinking

antisocial: thats new

social: kahsksha

social: r u d e

social: are u this mean to ur other friends??

antisocial: im Much Worse around them

social: im fear.png

social: BUT YEAH ive been thinking

social: what if we

social: make a groupchat

social: with all 9 (?) of us

social: me and my 4 friends and u and ur 3

antisocial: sounds like a headache

social: honestly it probably Will be

social: at least we'll be able to matchmake my friend and ur friend tho

antisocial: fair

antisocial: ill ask them

social: akhsjs lit ok

 

**knees weak… arms heavy…**

french baguettei: hey bitches

moms spaghetti: did you mean: jisung

much regretti: KHskjsns

must forgetti: HEY

french baguettei: o u c h

much regretti: Oof

must forgetti: WOOJ >:((((

french baguettei: #pray4jisung

moms spaghetti: sorry its been one of Those Days :/

much regretti: Do you want cuddles?

moms spaghetti: no,,

much regretti: I'll be over in five

moms spaghetti: n O

moms spaghetti: im not opening the door

much regretti: That's fine

french baguettei: so do u just like,, plan to climb in through the window

moms spaghetti: …?

much regretti: I have a key.

must forgetti: khksjOuwjwn

moms spaghetti: o

moms spaghetti: fine then i just Wont be at home

much regretti: W o o j

moms spaghetti: fine fine

much regretti: :)

french baguettei: hush gays

much regretti: Awjdlksj?

french baguettei: i have a Question

french baguettei: do yall remember bus boy

must forgetti: how could we FORGET

moms spaghetti: who?

must forgetti: .

moms spaghetti: im joking go on

much forgetti: Ah yes

much forgetti: Your not crush

french baguettei: i dont like him we’ve been over this

must forgetti: sure jan

french baguettei: i could just not ask my question ig

must forgetti: wait theres another question?

french baguettei: there Was

must forgetti: fkajfsd

must forgetti: ASK

french baguettei: hmmmm

must forgetti: BINBIN

french baguettei: hmmmmmmmmmmmm

must forgetti: THIS IS BULLYING

french baguettei: how tragic

must forgetti: HHHHHNNNNN

moms spaghetti: jisung?

must forgetti: yess momther??

moms spaghetti: shut ur mouth

much regretti: Dskjfd

must forgetti: D:<

must forgetti: i cant believe i just got murdered by woojin

french baguettei: t h a n k  y o u

french baguettei: now.

french baguettei: bus boy had an idea that, frankly, is very stupid but im going along with it anyway

must forgettii: are we sure this wasnt your idea?

french baguettei: jisung i will Actually slap u

must forgetti: slap me daddy

**moms spaghetti has kicked must forgetti out of the chat.**

much regretti: SFjklfsdj a powerful king

moms spaghetti: continue

french baguettei: bless you wooj

french baguettei: so he suggested that we make a big gc with all of his friends + all of us

much regretti: Oh no

moms spaghetti: more children to look after :’(

**french baguettei has added must forgetti to the chat.**

must forgetti: RUDE

must forgetti: WHY AM I ALWAYS GETTING BUILLIED

french baguettei: bc ur the dumb one now stfu and scroll up

must forgetti: fine jeezz

must forgetti: OOH

must forgetti: YES YES YES LETS DO IT

french baguettei: i knew youd say that.

moms spaghetti: Oh No

much regretti: Please refer to my username.

must forgetti: the chat hasnt even been made yet tho??

much regretti: Exactly.

 

**private chat: bus buddies (the antisocial social club)**

antisocial: they said yes

social: wow rly?

antisocial: correction: one of them said yes, the other two reluctantly agreed bc they had no choice

social: better

antisocial: what did ur friends say?

social: I Didn’t Ask

antisocial: fsjk

social: ksdjfdlksj

social: they wont mind tho

social: theyre always looking for more people to Terrorize

antisocial: im already regretting this

social: honestly? Same

antisocial: this was ur idea tho

social: doesnt mean i have to agree with it

 

**hyunjin has created a new group chat.**

**hyunjin has added changbin to the group chat.**

**hyunjin’s name has been changed to head honcho.**

**changbin’s name has been changed to captain (america).**

captain (america): we dont even live in america

head honcho: p r e c i s e l y

**head honcho has changed the chat name to my biggest regret.**

captain (america): ugh mood

head honcho: well

head honcho: lets get this over with then!!!!!!!

captain (america): yay :////

**head honcho has added felix, minho, jeongin, and seungmin to the chat.**

felix: pardon

minho: what the shit is this

seungmin: what is this shit

jeongin: this is shit

felix: shit

head honcho: aklsjfdsl

captain (america): i dont know if im supposed to be laughing or crying

felix: why not do both

captain (america): great idea.

seungmin: why are we here

minho: mood

seungmin: **@head honcho** (hyunjin?) who tf is captain america

captain (america): **@head honcho** who tf is seungmin

seungmin: i dont Like this dude ://

minho: u dont like anyone tho

seungmin: ur right

jeongin: actually,,,,

seungmin: dont u Fucking dare

felix: there is,,,,

seungmin: felix i already killed u once i Wont hesistate to kill u again

felix: i msorry sir

head honcho: smh

head honcho: seungmin no killing anyone bls

seungmin: fine

jeongin: #whipped

captain (america): #whipped

felix: KJFLDSJ

felix: EVEN THE STRANGER KNOWS

seungmin: f e l i x :)

felix: suddenly i am gone

head honcho: u absolute CRACKHEADS let me speak

seungmin: order in the court

jeongin: Long Live The Court

felix: im having mild deja vu

minho: ominous

captain (america): shut ur tiddies guys

felix: sir yes sir

minho: dont Talk to my tiddies like that

jeongin: bold of u to assume i have tiddies

seungmin: w hy

captain (america): oh my god

head honcho: this is what i deal with daily,,,,

minho: u say that like ur not as bad as us

head honcho:

head honcho: touche

captain (america): i quit

jeongin: sorry no refunds

captain (america): too fucking bad

captain (america): im adding the others

seungmin: ew theres more?

minho: my antisocial ass cant handle this

felix: oOf

seungmin: but why are we here tho

**captain (america) has added chan, jisung, and woojin to the chat.**

jisung: HERE COMES DAT BOI

captain (america): please no

head honcho: O SHIT WHADDUP

felix: O SHIT WHADDUP

jisung: HAHA

jisung: THANK YOU FINALLY SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS THE MEMES

captain (america): hyunjin felix dont enable him ://

head honcho: oops uwu

woojin: i-

chan: Oh-

felix: oh hey chan

chan: Oh hey Felix

minho: ooooooof

head honcho: o

head honcho: u guys know each other?

seungmin: can someone PLEASE tell me why the fuck this is a thing

jisung: WAIT

jisung: BINBIN

jisung: WHICH ONE IS BUS BOY

captain (america): which one do you Think

felix: what

felix: bus boy?

minho: oh

seungmin: oh

jeongin: oh?

felix: what???? oh what??

seungmin: felix u dumbass

felix: :’(?

head honcho: gays,,,,,

head honcho: we gather here today,,,,,,,,,

head honcho: to unite thy friends of my mine, and thy friends of changbin

captain (america): ok we get it ur a literacy major

captain (america): im changbin. thats hyunjin. you’re all our friends. get along. dont be headaches.

minho: sounds festive

seungmin: im leaving

head honcho: no leaving

seungmin: fuck

jeongin: #whipped

chan: I’m changing my username to my name in our other chat.

**chan’s username has been changed to much regretti.**

felix: mood

much regretti: Felix we’ve talked about this

felix: shut up m o m let me be emo

much regretti: there can only be One emo in this household

captain (america): yeah and its me so stfu both of u

seungmin: your name is literally captain america thats not very emo

captain (america): hyunjin picked it

head honcho: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

jeongin: can someone get the popcorn please

jisung: ON IT

minho: this is gonna be wild (stuck out tongue winking eye emoji)

captain (america): fucking cursed

seungmin: youve literally never used emojis before wtf

minho: im just trying something new

jeongin: Never Try Again

minho: :’(

felix: ominous

minho: i never catch a break do i

jisung: finally im not being bullied

captain (america): **@jisung** dumbass

jisung: KJDLSJ W HY

woojin: it seems i have a permanent migraine now

minho: oh sweaty

minho: we’re only getting started

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoyoyo ty to the people who responded to my last question! you can follow me on instagram @pasteljisung ! i'll be posting sneak peeks to upcoming chapters and works, as well as screaming about kpop and other fandoms in general. ty as always for reading! im not too proud of this chapter so i hope it was enjoyable <3


	10. begone HETERO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dumbass: im getting Tired of this treatment, paulina  
> seungmin: paulina just called  
> seungmin: she says she doesnt give a shit  
> \--  
> 9 crackheads come together to form one Big Singular Blob of crack. thats it. thats the chapter.
> 
> oh yeah also changbin is straight now ig

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy halloween yall !! i dont celebrate it but thats not stopping me from updating in honor of Spoopy Day (tm)
> 
> anyway ive hurt myself like 29304832 times today and im convinced that the demons are out to get me so with that in mind..... please enjoy this chapter! sorry for getting it out later than usual!! school exists, sadly. ive lost inspiration for this fic ngl so updates might be a lot more spotty until i can find my motivation again.
> 
> on a completely unrelated note, my albums came in yesterday!! my mom let me look at them this morning and i almost started crying ugHG if yall want pictures just Let me Know
> 
> enjoy as always!! ty for sticking with this mess of a fic <3 no usernames bc im Tired and its late and i almost forgot that i had said i was gonna update today so fsklfs just take it pleas
> 
> heteros dont kill me please its a joke and ily all regardless of ur sexuality <3<3

**my biggest regret**

jeongin: ominous!

captain (america): do you only say ominous

felix: thats what i asked him

jeongin: uwu

captain (america): oh neat

felix: great minds think alike ig!!!1!!

minho: bold of u to assume ur great

jisung: bold of u to assume changbin is great

minho: AYYY

jisung: AYYY

seungmin: gross

head honcho: g r o s s

seungmin: ,,

head honcho: ,,

jeongin: i have never felt more single

seungmin: ew

head honcho: D:?

much regretti: Bold of u to assume anyone here isn't single

jeongin: u rite u rite

captain (america): if anyone here is single then its jisung bc hes a whole headache

jisung: i BREATHED

captain (america): that was ur first mistake

felix: oof

jeongin: thats rough buddy

minho: idk if i should be happy im not getting bullied or if i should feel sorry

jisung: **@minho** pleas support me ily soulmate

minho: hmm

jisung: B l   s im dying at the hands of a midget

much regretti: Uh oh

woojin: honey…

felix: you got a big storm coming

captain (america): Say That Again I Fucking Dare You

jisung: GOTA VLAST US BEEN NICE KNOWIMG U ALLLLL

**jisung** is offline.

jeongin: press f to pay respects

felix: f

head honcho: f

minho: f

much regretti: f

woojin: f

seungmin: f

captain (america): im gonna beat his ass i s2g ://

minho: kinky

woojin: absolutely not

jeongin: E w

head honcho: im calling the kinkshaming police

seungmin: weewoo weewoo bitch

minho: i didnt do it officer :(((

seungmin: ur underarrest for being a dumbass

minho: arrest me officer ;)))

jeongin: E     w

seungmin: nevermind bye bitch

minho: :((

captain (america): the fucking duality

head honcho: anyway!!!

head honcho: moving on!!!!

head honcho: introduction time

felix: jisung (?) isnt here tho

head honcho: o shit right

woojin: dw i’ll get him back

jeongin: slightly ominous!

head honcho: ok nice!!

head honcho: bls give ur name and some fact abt u

minho: can we send pics of ourselves

head honcho: i mean

head honcho: sure but half of these people are strangers to u

minho: all the more reason for me to slay them with my good looks

jeongin: What good looks?

felix: fqahsjsnj

much regretti: Jabjsns

**jisung** is online.

jisung: IM BACK DID U GUYS MISS ME

captain (america): not particularly, no

jisung: >:((

minho: HEY

minho: ILL HAVE U KNOW IM THE PRETTIEST OUT OF OUR GROUP

seungmin: uhhh i think tf Not

minho: are u saying ur prettier than me???

seungmin: HAHAHA FUNNY but no

seungmin: but hyunjin is

head honcho: oahsksh

felix: he makes a fair point

jeongin: i agree w seungmin

head honcho: kshjs yAll??

captain (america): yeah hyunjin is prettier.

jisung: u dont even know what minho looks like tho?

captain (america): it Doesnt matter hyunjin is still prettier

minho: wow im rly being attacked in this chilis

minho: **@jisung** hey soulmate back me up here tell them im prettier :(

jisung: hMmm

jisung: who was it i asked to help me when i was McDying earlier??

minho: ...me

jisung: and who Didnt help me?

minho: ……..me

jisung: exactly

jisung: so Perish

much regretti: JJSJSM

felix: oh SHIT

jeongin: DAMN

much regretti: lAnGuAgE

head honcho: KSBJS

captain (america): holy shit jisung

head honcho: he just went OFF damnnnn

seungmin: OFF mosquito repellent

jisung: JSJKS

minho: DID U JUST CALL ME A MOSQUITO

seungmin: and what of it? :)))

minho: WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS TREATMENT

jeongin: you Existed

minho: yall are #minhophobes

seungmin: or maybe we just know a dumbass when we see one

** minho ** ’s  name has been changed to ** dumbass. **

dumbass: im getting Tired of this treatment, paulina

seungmin: paulina just called

seungmin: she says she doesnt give a shit

jisung: who names their child paulina tho

felix: i once met a paulina

felix: i felt sorry for her

much regretti: Oh yeah,, her

woojin: i feel sorry for her too ngl

head honcho: same

jeongin: tell paulina i give her my regards

dumbass: smh paulina bullies me and yall decide to feel sorry for her instead??

felix: it really be like that sometimes..

jeongin: #prayforpaulina

jisung: i hate to interrupt our praying but r we doing intros or nah

seungmin: man ur desperate to meet us arent u

jisung: i just dont like the mental images i have of yall

felix: care to elaborate?

jeongin: ominous

dumbass: what r the images tho

jisung: thats for me to know and u to Never find out

jeongin: o m i n o u s

head honcho: ight well

head honcho: ill go first?

felix: go for it dude

woojin: sure

head honcho: hi im hyunjin and im gay as fuck thanks for coming to my tedtalk

seungmin: ofc

jisung: o shit r we doing sexualities

head honcho: nah u dont have to

felix: hes just really open about it

seungmin: he Constantly reminds us

jeongin: you can't have hyunjin without having gay

dumbass: hyunjin is gayer than the rainbow tbh

seungmin: its funny cause he gets like 182782 confessions a day from girls and he has to turn them all down

head honcho: mHkss ok hyunjin exposing time is OVER

minho: cAncelled

head honcho: anyway uh

head honcho: 

jisung: holy shit

much regretti: holy shit

woojin: oh damn

felix: riGHT??

head honcho: uwu

jisung: wow binbin now i get why u were having a crisis

head honcho: a what?

captain (america): a What?

jisung: a nothing Haha ignore me

minho: n e gays my turn!!!!

minho: sup im minho and im what the cool kids call a confident gay (sunglasses emoji)

seungmin: one more emoji out of u and i s2g

jeongin: no cool kids r calling u a confident gay smh

minho: thats what u Think

jeongin: no thats what i Know

minho: im cool :(((

seungmin: in ur dreams sweaty

minho: hmph

jisung: rip

minho: 

felix: aklfjdslkj

jisung: wowww beautiful

captain (america): breathtaking.

head honcho: u fucking crackhead send a real photo

minho: hMPH i cant do anything in this house

head honcho: mInHo

minho: f i n e

minho: 

minho: ft. my precious kitty kitty uwu<3

seungmin: who are u and whatve u done with minho

minho: i just love my babies :((

jisung: OH

captain (america): oh

minho: r u reconsidering when u said hyunjin was prettier? ;))

captain (america): no

captain (america): if anything this only proves me right

minho: :///

 

**knees weak… arms heavy…**

french baguettei: its orgasm boy

moms spaghetti: hm?

must forgetti: GUYS MY CRUSH OM KSSKNDJWBD

much regretti: ??

must forgetti: MINHO

much regretti: What

much regretti: OH

moms spaghetti: ooooh

moms spaghetti: this is gonna be interesting

must forgetti: KAHSKSJ HELP

 

**my biggest regret**

jisung: FUCK HES CUTE

jisung: SHIT WAIT

minho: why ty (sunglasses emoji)(sunglasses emoji)

captain (america): you chaotic dumbass

woojin: you had one job,,,,

much regretti: Kshjsjs sungie,,,

jisung: IM SORRY MOMTHER

seungmin: those goddamn emojis

**jisung’s username has been changed to chaotic dumbass.**

head honcho: but minho’s a chaotic dumbass too

dumbass: am N o t

seungmin: dont even try to deny it sweaty

**dumbass** ’s name has been changed to **chaotic dumbass #1.**

**chaotic dumbass** ’s name has been changed to **chaotic dumbass #2.**

jeongin: like thing 1 and thing 2 but W o r s e

chaotic dumbass #2: im offedned

seungmin: offedned

felix: offedned

much regretti: Offedned

woojin: offedned

captain (america): offedned

jeongin: offedned

head honcho: offedned

chaotic dumbass #2: oH COME ON

chaotic dumbass #1: …

chaotic dumbass #2: u better not

chaotic dumbass #1: ...offedned

chaotic dumbass #2: NOT U TOO >:((

chaotic dumbass #2: even after i called u hot smh

chaotic dumbass #1: no wait i didnt mean it

chaotic dumbass #2: this marriage is Cancelled

chaotic dumbass #1: we’re married?

chaotic dumbass #2: we Were

jeongin: #top10animedeaths

seungmin: fuckin rip

head honcho: before we kill each other!!!

head honcho: whos next

chaotic dumbass #2: i volunteer binbin

captain (america): no

much regretti: Yes

captain (america): N o

woojin: yes!

head honcho: yes lmao go ahead changbin

captain (america): **@chaotic dumbass #2** ihy

chaotic dumbass #2: :))

captain (america): fine

captain (america): hi im changbin and im straight

 

**knees weak… arms heavy…**

must forgetti: changbin u filthy liar

moms spaghetti: excuse me?

much regretti: As a Certified Gay™, I feel very insulted

moms spaghetti: we’re all insulted

must forgetti: b i t c h

french baguettei: shush i have a plan

moms spaghetti: orly?

french baguettei: no but play along

 

**my biggest regret**

seungmin: G a s p

chaotic dumbass #1: a Straight??? in My christian minecraft server??

felix: unacceptable

head honcho: oh damn u r?? i didnt know that

captain (america): yeah now deal with it

much regretti: It’s his only flaw

chaotic dumbass #2: actually he has plenty of flaws

captain (america): what was that?

chaotic dumbass #2: nOthing sir

jeongin: i never thought id be forced to become friends with a Straight

woojin: imagine how we felt

felix: im sorry for ur loss,,,

chaotic dumbass #1: your pain is our pain,,,,

**head honcho** has changed the chat name to **the gays except for changbin, our token straight.**

head honcho: at least we got a cool chat name now

jeongin: ever the optimist

felix: its so long

chaotic dumbass #1: thats what she said ;)

felix: i walked right into that didnt i

captain (america): cursed

seungmin: P e r i s h

chaotic dumbass #2: cool chat name? sure

chaotic dumbass #2: but it would be cooler if it was just “the gays”

much regretti: Smh Changbin this is all ur fault

captain (america): sorry lol

seungmin: those goddamn heteros

seungmin: always ruining our fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact #1: im actually in a groupchat called "the gays except (insert friend's name here), our token straight" so thats where the inspiration for That part of the chapter came from  
> fun fact #2: my friend was Almost named paulina and we had this whole discussion about it and how paulina is a Horrible name so thats also where the inspiration for that came from. if your name is actually paulina,,, im so sorry i mean no offense ok sjlkfa but also i offer my prayers for u  
> if any of u guys ever have a daughter... do Not name her paulina.
> 
> please let me know if the images worked!! i hope they loaded properly/werent too big or anything! (also, all the pics are from skz's official insta uwu)
> 
> follow me on insta @pasteljisung for sneak peeks of upcoming works and (occasional) screaming !!


	11. woochan RISE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix: chan.exe has stopped working
> 
> chaotic dumbass #2: chan machine Broke
> 
> captain (america): fucking rip
> 
> jeongin: #top10animedeaths
> 
> head honcho: chan is dead and we killed him  
> \--  
> or: woochan is thriving, minsung are as dumb as always, and minlix square up in the back of a dennys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im ALIVE wow !!!! i think this is the longest stretch on this fic where ive gone without updating sjklfj sorry about that!! (at least this isnt my vld chatfic,, i once took like 5 months to update sjlkfja oof) schools been kicking my ass lately and ive lost inspiration for this fic ;; this is why i cant do multichaptered fics
> 
> but !! my inspiration came back to me (during math class, because its always during math) and ive been writing all day so finally !! this chapter is done! the last introductions will be in the next chapter im sorry for dragging them out lol hope you enjoy !  
> im also trying out a new system for the usernames bc tbh i dont wanna keep listing them so from now on, i'll only list users if a username is changed/a new one is introduced. if yall would rather have me go back to what i did before then just let me know!  
> \--  
> mama bear: woojin  
> papa kangaroo: chan

**the gays except for changbin, our token straight**

head honcho: well mr straight

head honcho: guess u should show ur Hetero™ face

chaotic dumbass #2: im gonna tell yall a secret

seungmin: no one asked

chaotic dumbass #2: WOW RUDE

chaotic dumbass #2: n e gays

chaotic dumbass #1: n e gays + changbin*

captain (america): stfu

chaotic dumbass #2: changbin ,,, doesnt look very straight

woojin: i mean

woojin: he does have the pointiest chin on the planet

captain (america): i dont appreciate this

chaotic dumbass #2: now u know how i feel .

chaotic dumbass #1: changbin could easily pass as a fellow Gay™

jeongin: orly?

seungmin: i doubt it

captain (america): bold of u to assume i want to pass as a gay

much regretti: If u want to hold your title of Friend™, then u better want to pass as a gay

captain (america): yes sir

chaotic dumbass #1: binbinnnnnn

chaotic dumbass #1: show them ur sandwich face

felix: pardon

jeongin: im fear

chaotic dumbass #2: lmao?

seungmin: what

head honcho: huh

captain (america): jisung

chaotic dumbass #2: yeah? :D

captain (america): no.

chaotic dumbass #2: D:

head honcho: OH SHIT WAIT

head honcho: HE DOES KINDA LOOK LIKE A SANDWICH

captain (america): not you too

felix: im so confused

seungmin: when are u not

felix: fair

head honcho: yall will see it

head honcho: his chin looks like a sandwich

head honcho: like if u cut a full sandwich into 2 triangles and then hold one triangle point down

head honcho: its changbin

chaotic dumbass #2: rIGHT??

chaotic dumbass #2: IM GLAD _SOMEONE_ ELSE FINALLY NOTICED

much regrett: I really don’t see it

woojin: ^

captain (america): good. you Shouldnt see it

chaotic dumbass #1: thats

jeongin: interesting!

chaotic dumbass #1: i was gonna say fucking hilarious but okay

captain (america): i hate this

chaotic dumbass #1: BINBIN SHOW THEM UR FACE BEFORE I DO IT FOR U

captain (america): F i n e jeez

captain (america): 

chaotic dumbass #1: damn

chaotic dumbass #1: ur the gayest straight ive ever seen

captain (america): stfu

felix: is that an eyebrow slash

captain (america): no

chaotic dumbass #1: yes it is

captain (america): it was a D a r e

chaotic dumbass #1: u dont regret it tho :)))

much regretti: You love it, don't you

head honcho: i like how its not even a question

captain (america): S h u t

seungmin: hm

seungmin: not bad for a Hetero ://

captain (america) will yall let me live

 

**knees weak… arms heavy...**

moms spaghetti: u brought this upon urself lol

captain (america): not u too :///

much regretti: Why did u even lie about it?

captain (america): tbh? i dont rly know

must forgetti: i feel like this is gonna come back and backstab u later

captain (america): probably.

moms spaghetti: lmao

must forgetti: lmao

much regretti: lmao

 

**the gays except for changbin, our token straight**

head honcho: ight whos next

seungmin: i volunteer felix

felix: WHAT no

felix: i volunteer chan

much regretti: i volunteer wooj

woojin: i volunteer jisung

chaotic dumbass #2: i volunteer uh

chaotic dumbass #2: shit

seungmin: sorry, minho already went

chaotic dumbass #1: i swear to GOD

jeongin: there is no god,,,

felix: ominous,,,,,

chaotic dumbass #2: FI NE ill go

chaotic dumbass #2: hi im jisung and uhhhh idk what else to say

captain (america): hes a dumbass

chaotic dumbass #2: n-no :(((

seungmin: ur username literally says it all

chaotic dumbass #2: :(((((((

much regretti: I have a fact about him

much regretti: He's really good at singing and rapping

chaotic dumbass #2: awwww chan :DDDDD

woojin: cant disagree with that tbh

captain (america): thats true ig

chaotic dumbass #2: guys !!!! <3<3

captain (america): dont get used to it.

chaotic dumbass #2: mwah <3

seungmin: disgusting

jeongin: E w

chaotic dumbass #1: i, for one, think its cute

felix: whipped

chaotic dumbass #1: stfu

chaotic dumbass #2: anyway uh!!!

chaotic dumbass #2: 

chaotic dumbass #1: fuck

 

**#bigdumbassenergy**

stan: minho.

sandwich thief: dont

stan: M i n h o .

sandwich thief: n o

dead meat: wh-

stan: minho lmao,,,,

sandwich thief: stfu let me P e r i s h in peace

slippery snek: heckin rip

hyunny: ??? am i missing smth

sandwich thief: no . ur not

hyunny: Rlly now

stan: yall remember the kid minho scared off

slippery snek: which one? theres been lots

sandwich thief: youve been hanging out with seungmin too much

stan: the one that proved that minho has a voice kink

sandwich thief: i Do Not

hyunny: thats what they all say sweaty,,

hyunny: n e gays yes continue

sandwich thief: no dont

stan: it was jisung.

sandwich thief: bye

dead meat: ALKJ

slippery snek: small world uwu

hyunny: jalksjflks

sandwich thief: im going to ctrl w myself

 

**the gays except for changbin, our token straight**

chaotic dumbass #2: ???

chaotic dumbass #1: nothing

chaotic dumbass #1: ur

chaotic dumbass #1: vvv cute

 

**#bigdumbassenergy**

stan: nOtHinG uR vErY cUtE

sandwich thief: i will Actually chop ur dick off dont test me

slippery snek: terrifying!

 

**the gays except for changbin, our token straight**

chaotic dumbass #2: :D

captain (america): dont inflate his ego

chaotic dumbass #2: cmon i deserve this after all the bullying i go thru :((

head honcho: awww what an adorable and talented king!!!

jeongin: not as cute as me but hes pretty cute ^-^

seungmin: ig hes ok

felix: perhaps i uwud

chaotic dumbass #2: !!!

chaotic dumbass #2: **@much regretti** dad look im actually not being bullied for once!!

much regretti: yeh I see that

chaotic dumbass #2: love u guys MWAH <3

seungmin: ew keep ur kisses to urself

chaotic dumbass #2: >:(

felix: seungmin only wants kisses from one (1) boi

head honcho: oh?

seungmin: Felix.

felix: i didnt do it officer

chaotic dumbass #1: thats my line

felix: says who

chaotic dumbass #1: says ME bitch

felix: square up hoe

chaotic dumbass #1: meet me in the dennys back lot

felix: (ง •̀_•́)ง

much regretti: No fighting, kids

chaotic dumbass #1: but DAD >:((((

much regretti: N o

chaotic dumbass #2: speaking of dad!!

much regretti: i regret saying anything

chaotic dumbass #2: chan u should go next :DDD

felix: YES

much regretti: i dont get a choice do i

head honcho: not rlly, no lmao

much regretti: s i  g h

woojin: rip

much regretti: Fine okay hello

much regretti: I’m Chan, I’m your dad starting right now, and I’m from Australia

chaotic dumbass #1: u are my daaad

chaotic dumbass #2: UR MY DAD

felix: BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE

captain (america): is it possible to unsee a conversation

felix: >:D

much regretti: 

head honcho: ooo

chaotic dumbass #1: oh shit ur hot

seungmin: can u be Any more subtle

much regretti: aslfjs Thank,,

woojin: ah

much regretti: Hm?

woojin: nothing

woojin: i remember when you took that picture tho

woojin: you look rlly good

much regretti: Asjflkjd

felix: chan.exe has stopped working

chaotic dumbass #2: chan machine Broke

captain (america): fucking rip

jeongin: #top10animedeaths

head honcho: chan is dead and we killed him

woojin: i guess that was my fault?

much regretti: im NOT broked thanks

much regretti: you didn't do anything wooj youre fine

much regretti: not like Fine fine i just mean fine like you didn’t do anything wrong

much regretti: but ur also Fine fine dont get me wrong!!!

much regretti: im fine!!!!!

chaotic dumbass #1: ‘broked’

woojin: ight if you say so,,

captain (america): who wants to bet that chan looks like a tomato rn

much regretti: i dONT

seungmin: and i thought minho was a disaster gay

chaotic dumbass #1: always the same shit

felix: i cant fuckin brEA THE

woojin: anyway uhh ?? i’ll go next i guess

woojin: to make up for breaking chan

much regretti: i M N O T B R OK E

woojin: you’re a college student you are very much broke

much regretti: N

felix: one (1) singular n

jeongin: ominous,,

head honcho: jlkjaklfjs

head honcho: this is a mess uhg

captain (america): u just now noticed?

head honcho: shush

head honcho: n e gays go on woojin

woojin: :’)

woojin: hi i’m woojin, im your mom starting Right Now, and chicken in my one true love <3

chaotic dumbass #2: and chan

much regretti: E h a t

woojin: what was that :)

chaotic dumbass #2: no tH inG

chaotic dumbass #1: wait if ur our mom,,

woojin: no

woojin: Dont finish that statement

chaotic dumbass #1: yes mother

woojin: 

chaotic dumbass #2: mom !!!

felix: there go my uwus

much regretti: Aaaaakldjslf

head honcho: tbh u kinda look like a bear

head honcho: like in a good way

head honcho: like cuddly and soff

much regretti: he IS tho

much regretti: Very cuddly and soft and cute

woojin: djklsj aa thanks channie,,,

much regretti: fkjdslj

chaotic dumbass #1: im Not the only one seeing this right

jeongin: nope

captain (america): just throwing it out there that they Arent dating

head honcho: wrow

much regretti: why would we be dating??

woojin: nobody said anything about dating ;;;

captain (america): this is what jisung and i deal with

felix: i pray for u

captain (america): thanks .

**woojin’s user has been changed to mama bear.**

mama bear: im alright with this

chaotic dumbass #2: WE NEED AN ANIMAL FOR CHAN

felix: kangaroo

chaotic dumbass #2: GENIUS

much regretti: wh-

**much regretti’s user has been changed to papa kangaroo.**

papa kangaroo: O h

head honcho: ok thats cute as FUCK ngl

chaotic dumbass #1: mayhaps im crying

captain (america): please wake me up when they finally get married

papa kangaroo: ljklsdjf??

mama bear: who’s getting married? :))

captain (america): not you and chan absolutely not haha

 

**bus buddies (the antisocial social club)**

antisocial: ladies and gentlemen: my two dumbass friends who have been pining for each other for literal years

social: ouch

social: are they really that oblivious??

antisocial: you should see them in real life.

social: idk if i want to

antisocial: u Dont

antisocial: trust me.

social: fskljdfls

social: well

social: looks like we have our work cut out for us  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated as always!! ur comments always make my day so tysm if u do decide to leave one <3  
> follow me on insta~ @pasteljisung  
> and dont be afraid to dm me if you ever wanna chat!


	12. in which the author has picked up the habit of using emojis when they text so now everyone in this fic uses them too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chaotic dumbass #2: third is the one with the harry chest?
> 
> chaotic dumbass #2: wait
> 
> \--
> 
> or: woochan talks like 3 times (sorry), minsung and seungjin continue to be gay, and we finally get all the intros out of the way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title says it all ,,, hopefully the emojis are visible JKFLSJ bc if not thats gonna make things hella awkward. also ! the bar is supposed to be a timeskip ,, after hyunjins keysmash they just go silent for like 30 mins.
> 
> ive given up on format consistencies so if something is bolded/italicized in this chapter when its not bolded/italicized in the others please let me know. im planning to eventually go through and change some things up but Oof im kinda on a time limit rn so i just wanna go ahead and post this
> 
> anyways we goin ✈️ using satan as seungmins user again bc im uncreative LOL hope you enjoy !  
> \--  
> usernames:  
> seungmin -> satan  
> felix -> harry chest man  
> jeongin -> jeongout  
> must forgetti -> disaster gay

**the gays except for changbin, our token straight**

chaotic dumbass #2: NE GAYS

felix: seungmin should go next

seungmin: what Why

felix: because >:)

seungmin: why dont you go next H m

head honcho: minnniieee show them ur adorable face :((

chaotic dumbass #1: 👀

seungmin:

seungmin: actually nvm ill just get it over with

jeongin: oh Worm?

felix: >:))

chaotic dumbass #1: tea

captain (america): whipped

chaotic dumbass #1: we been knew

seungmin: yall better lock ur doors tonight :)

jeongin: wow im terrified!

seungmin: im seungmin and i Dislike You All

felix: thanks for the validation Mother

head honcho: hes a good singer!!

seungmin: im not but go off ig

chaotic dumbass #2: I THOUTH THAT SAID SINNER AHDHSBS

felix: AKHSJS

jeongin: we dont call him satan for nothing :’)

 **_seungmin_ ** _’s name has been changed to_ **_satan_ ** _._

satan: the joke is old but ight

head honcho: almighty satan, show thy face

satan: only bc u asked so nicely ://

chaotic dumbass #1: wHiPpEd

satan: stfu minhoe

satan:

head honcho: 

jeongin: u had that gif ready didnt u

head honcho: Mayhaps

chaotic dumbass #1: ugh minnie ur cute 😔

chaotic dumbass #2: wow we stan a supportive bf

head honcho: we're not dating tho?

felix: u could be but yall playin

chaotic dumbass #2: wait ur not???

captain (america): jisung ur a dumbass

satan: we Been Knew

satan: also thanks jinnie

head honcho: <33

chaotic dumbass #1: WHAT ABOUT ME I COMPLIMENTED U TOO

satan: yall hear sumn?

chaotic dumbass #1: i

felix: another day, another minho slain

jeongin: fuckign rip

satan: are you implying there are Multiple Minhos?

chaotic dumbass #2: oh no that would be

head honcho: absolutely terrifying

chaotic dumbass #2: i was gonna say not good for my health but 😳

chaotic dumbass #1: ;)))

chaotic dumbass #1: gotta go prep my Minho Army

mama bear: not everyone has introduced themselves tho

chaotic dumbass #1: i already know lixie and innie

mama bear: touchè

jeongin: dont Call me that

chaotic dumbass #1: iNnIe

jeongin: Off With His Head

papa kangaroo: I leave for 5 minutes

head honcho: that, my dear father, was ur first mistake

felix: yikes

jeongin: anyways is it my turn now

papa kangaroo: no let felix go next

felix: what No

felix: jeonginnie can go

jeongin: actually nvm im good go ahead felix

jeongin: gotta save the best for last 😎

chaotic dumbass #1: oof ur gonna get it nobody here likes emojis

head honcho: innie hun ur doing great sweetie!!

chaotic dumbass #1: WHY DO YOU ONLY ATTACK ME

satan: bc everything u do is cringey and everything innie does is cute

jeongin: 😎😎😎

chaotic dumbass #2: unnecessary flex, but alas

papa kangaroo: **@felix** come back

felix: dammit

papa kangaroo: no cursing in This good christian household

felix: ill do what i want d A d

papa kangaroo: gasp

captain (america): [oof]

mama bear: gasp

chaotic dumbass #2: gASP

satan: gAsP

jeongin: GASP

chaotic dumbass #1: f e l i x how dare u disrespect father

head honcho: gasp

felix: HECK iM SORRY FATHER

chaotic dumbass #2: forgive me father for i have sinned

head honcho: i apologize male parental figure because i have done wrong

chaotic dumbass #1:  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

seungmin: minho No

chaotic dumbass #1: sorry daddy ive been naughty ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **_mama bear_ ** _has kicked_ **_chaotic dumbass #1_ ** _out of the chat._

mama bear: absolutely not

seungmin: honestly

chaotic dumbass #2: Kahaksjsj RIP SOULMATE

captain (america): wild

papa kangaroo: he had it coming 🤧

head honcho: jshsjsjsj

  


* * *

 

 

chaotic dumbass #2: wow we kinda died

satan: finally

papa kangaroo: Seungmin no

satan: seungmin Yes

felix: rip

head honcho: oof we still have to finish our intros

head honcho: who was gonna go?

captain (america): i think felix said he was

felix: siri how do i disappear from this plane of existence

papa kangaroo: You Can't

satan: felix smh why dont u want to introduce urself

felix: aAAAAAA

chaotic dumbass #2: wait we need to add minho back!!

satan: do we Have to

jeongin: unfortunately yes

head honcho: o shit rite

 **_head honcho_ ** _has added_ **_chaotic dumbass #1_ ** _to the chat._

chaotic dumbass #1: TOOK YALL LONG ENOUGH

jeongin: u literally had to wait like 30 minutes

chaotic dumbass #1: Took Yall Long Enough

satan: stfu u big baby

chaotic dumbass #1: ive been here for a MINUTE

sata : a minute too long

chaotic dumbass #2: damn seungmin is on fire

head honcho: well that explains why hes so hot

chaotic dumbass #2: what

satan: what

head honcho: what

chaotic dumbass #1: ew go be pining gays somewhere else

satan: What

head honcho: saYS YOU

chaotic dumbass #2: no pining gays in My House

jeongin: hypocritical

mama bear: actually, this is my house, and anyone can be gay and pining as much as they want

head honcho: aw thanks mom :’))

chaotic dumbass #1: nobody respects me :(((

satan: nobody wants to waste their time on a disappointment

head honcho: KAHKSJS GO OFF MINNIE

chaotic dumbass #1: **@chaotic dumbass #2** save me :(((

chaotic dumbass #2: awe im sowwy bby do u want a hug uwuwuwu

chaotic dumbass #1: yes bls uwu

captain (america): discostang

felix: bicth disgUstin

jeongin: gross

felix: ok um

jeongin: actually felix i can go u can go last

felix: wot

head honcho: oof?

chaotic dumbass #2: why tho?

jeongin: i feel it in my veins… i'm destined to go second…. otherwise Bad Things will happen…

chaotic dumbass #1: ominous

felix: marty im scared

jeongin: also first is the worst second is the best 😎

satan: h e y

chaotic dumbass #2: third is the one with the harry chest?

chaotic dumbass #2: wait

satan: i am surrounded by Idiots

captain (america): harry.

head honcho: BKSJSJSJ

head honcho: UR A WIZARD ARRY

papa kangaroo: I'm a hwot?

chaotic dumbass #2: SGASHS BYE

jeongin: hairy* but yes i dont want a hairy chest thanks 🗿

jeongin: or a harry one

head honcho: well! thats an image

mama bear: why are you even thinking about that?

head honcho: thats the gay agenda

mama bear: ight

jeongin: k so

jeongin: im jeongin and i like trot

satan: nice

felix: jeongin? more like jeongout

jeongin: i wish i could jeongout of this chat

captain (america): me too buddy

 **_jeongin_ ** _’s name has been changed to_ **_jeongout_ ** _._

jeongout: lit

jeongout: 

head honcho: baby boy uwuwu

papa kangaroo: YOU'RE SO SMALL

jeongout: im 18

papa kangaroo: S M A L L

mama bear: no chan we cant adopt him

papa kangaroo: But-

jeongout: im already a legal adult 🗿

papa kangaroo: D:

jeongout: …

jeongout: ill let you cook me meals?

papa kangaroo: :D

jeongout: Sometimes

captain (america): oh no does this mean chans kitchen will return

chaotic dumbass #2: HELL YEAH CHANS KITCHEN IS MY FAVORITE KITCHEN

satan: chans what now

chaotic dumbass #1: it says Kitchen cant u read

satan: much better than u can

jeongout: #oof

chaotic dumbass #2: anyways ur cute jeongin

chaotic dumbass #2: now last but not least

chaotic dumbass #1: mr hairy chest

head honcho: harry chest

 **_felix_ ** _’s name has been changed to_ **_harry chest man_ ** _._

harry chest man: lIstEn-

satan: if only jisung wasnt so illiterate

satan: u wouldnt have to suffer

chaotic dumbass #2: JSHSJS IM SORRY BRO

harry chest man: ill live i guess 😔

harry chest man: anyways hi my name is felix and i have a hella deep voice according to everyone else

jeongout: his voice is lower than my self esteem

mama bear: jeongin honey are you ok

jeongout: Are Any Of Us

head honcho: oh worm

chaotic dumbass #1: his voice can go lower than my grades

chaotic dumbass #2: how low can ur grades go tho

chaotic dumbass #1: my lowest grade ever was like a 20

chaotic dumbass #2: damn

chaotic dumbass #2: low

captain (america): and i thought jisung was dumb

chaotic dumbass #2: hEy

jeongout: u cant outdumb minho

satan: say it louder for the people in the back

chaotic dumbass #1: ill Kill u

head honcho: u will do no such thing

chaotic dumbass #1: try and stop me bIsh

mama bear: there will be !!! no killing !!!

chaotic dumbass #1: yes mom

head honcho: powerful,,,,

papa kangaroo: Minho we discussed this ://// ur grades are important

chaotic dumbass #1: in MY defense i was like 8

chaotic dumbass #1: 8 year old me couldn't grasp the concept of multiplication

satan: u sure thats not 23 year old you?

chaotic dumbass #1: B y e .

harry chest man: minho thinks 1 x 6 is 7

chaotic dumbass #1: i do NOT akshkshs

captain (america): pretty sure thats addition

jeongout: minho doesnt know addition either!!!

head honcho: Jahsjjs

chaotic dumbass #2: akhsjsjs

chaotic dumbass #1: yes i DO

chaotic dumbass #2: i know me + jisungie = true love <3

chaotic dumbass #1: JSHSKHSJS MY UWUS

harry chest man: do i laugh or do i cry

jeongout: both . both is good

mama bear: well thats disgustingly adorable

captain (america): as if ur any better,,,

mama bear: :)?

captain (america): i said Nothing

satan: ew nobody wants to see ur flirting

jeongout: yes agreed

papa kangaroo: No flirting in front of the child :///

chaotic dumbass #2: I HAD NO PART IN THIS

satan: oh but u Did

chaotic dumbass #1: uwu

 

**knees weak… arms heavy....**

must forgetti: AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCK

captain (america): fellas i think hes gay

must forgetti: [bold, italics, cursive, 72 pt font, neon green] F U C K

 

**the gays except for changbin, our token straight**

harry chest man: 

harry chest man: o yeah also im chans cousin

papa kangaroo: ^

head honcho: o thats cool :0

mama bear: youre really cute felix! i cant really see the resemblance tho lol

chaotic dumbass #1: mother ur eyesight is failing u

mama bear: im not that much older than you :)

harry chest man: ty woojin jshsjs and yeah i get that a lot

captain (america): oh ur cute

satan: thats nice of u to say mr straight

captain (america): Let me l i v e

chaotic dumbass #1: #heyeropgobos at its finest

jeongout: heyer What Now

head honcho: whats that supposed to be??

chaotic dumbass #1: my keyboard giving up on me

harry chest man: mood

harry chest man: also ty **@captain (america)**

chaotic dumbass #2: UMMM UR A WHOLE CUTIE AND A HALF **@felix**

harry chest man: KSHSJS TY

chaotic dumbass #2: ARE THOSE FRECKS

harry chest man: MAYHAPS

head honcho: yes they are 👀

chaotic dumbass #2: WOW IM GAY

chaotic dumbass #2: IS THIS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO ASCEND TO HEAVEN

satan: you wouldnt know

head honcho: KSHJSJ

chaotic dumbass #1: **@felix** where did you get your freckles

chaotic dumbass #1: asking for a friend

jeongout: sure jan

harry chest man: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

papa kangaroo: oh no

harry chest man: i got it from my daddy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

mama bear: Absolutely Not

jeongout: Why did you make me Read That with my own Two Eyes

head honcho: Cursed

harry chest man: JSHS

satan: um

satan: are yall okay

harry chest man: ill Never be okay but continue

chaotic dumbass #1: Oh Worm?

chaotic dumbass #2: minho my soulmate bby do u need to talk to someone? :(((

harry chest man: wow i see how it is

head honcho: fuckin rip lmao

chaotic dumbass #1: suddenly my skin is cleared, my crops are watered, my depression is gone, ive seen the light

satan: i think thats called being whipped

jeongout: or in love

satan: same difference

chaotic dumbass #1: St f u

chaotic dumbass #2: so ur fine? :(

chaotic dumbass #1: yes baby im fine ty for worrying <3

chaotic dumbass #2: <3

captain (america): i cant believe minsung is making more progress than woochan and theyve only known each other for a day

harry chest man: it rly be like that sometimes

head honcho: it rly do

 

**knees weak… arms heavy…**

must forgetti: FUCK I CALEKLS HIK BABY ISBTHIA WHAT IT FEEKS LIKE TO SIE

french baguettei: pretty sure dying is more painful

must forgetti: STfu THISBIS PAINFUL EJOUG

moms spaghetti: he called you baby first?

must forgetti: THAT DOENST HELP

 **_must forgetti’s_ ** _name has been changed to_ **_disaster gay_ ** _._

disaster gay: I SONT NEED THE REMINDER KAREN

disaster gay: AAAAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> congrats to our rookie kings for winning roty at MAMAs!! im so proud ugh <33 theyve impacted not only me but millions of stays all around the world and im so glad theyre getting the recognition and love they deserve. theyve inspired me and theyve inspired others and i hope they know how much we truly love them all <3
> 
> sappy message aside; yall jisungs blue hair im never going to be over it JKLFJSD its even worse cause hes one of my biases 🗿  
> \--  
> insta: @pasteljisung  
> twt (ayy finally got one !!): @stxyinmylane


	13. day 3829493287: the author is still not over jisungs blue hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chaotic dumbass #1: im goign to SCREAM
> 
> harry chest man: [image]
> 
> chaotic dumbass #1: UPDATE IM SC R E AM ING  
> \--  
> or: minsung reigns oblivious and superior, woojin is secretly a snake, and jisung steals everyone's hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello its winter break u know what that means! less stress! more writing! yayy!! i have a few actual written fics im working on and i might be able to get one of them out if everything goes well :>
> 
> anyways im still not over sungie's blue hair so heres me projecting on all of them saljkfjsdk. i wrote this as soon as i posted chapter 12 but i couldnt post it until i found a pic of jisung and felix together with jisungs blue hair ,,,, and then they posted a pic together ,,,,, and my prayers were answered ,,,
> 
> theres a Slight (tm) nsfw joke in here im sorry in advance skdfja
> 
> also i went back thru and i realized how inconsistent my formatting was i promise i'll go through and change it so that its consistent im sorr D: anywho i hope u guys enjoy!  
> \--  
> old hag: woojin  
> (b)Rat/god himself: minho  
> cutest squirrel: jisung

**#bigdumbassenergy**

sandwich thief: hi quick question

sandwich thief: did jisung dye his hair

stan: idk

stan: why dont you like, oh i dunno, Ask Jisung instead of asking us

hyunny: sister snapped

sandwich thief: sister stfu

sandwich thief: and i CANT ask him thats weird

slippery snek: how is it even weird

sandwich thief: it just is

slippery snek: it rlly isnt but go off ig

sandwich thief: n e gays

sandwich thief: im just asking bc i thought i saw him earlier but he had dark hair instead of blonde so

sandwich thief: just wanted to know if anyone knew smth

dead meat: whats this about jisung and hair

stan: just minho bein a dumbass again

sandwich thief: hEy

hyunny: what else is new?

 

**knees weak… arms heavy…**

disaster gay: be saw me an dge did a double take

disaster gay: i dQnt ghink he knew it was me skhzjsjs

french baguettei: u rlly out here being illiterate arent u

disaster gay: shUsH

moms spaghetti: and you still havent told him because..?

disaster gay: i just want it to be a surprise is that so much to ask for 😔👉👈

french baguettei: you just want to get his dick hard

moms spaghetti: Absolutely Not

much regretti: THIS IS A CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER

disaster gay: KAHSKSNAJ NO IDNOT STFU 🗿

french baguettei: sure jan .

disaster gay: UGHHGHHGGG

much regretti: really though i dont understand why you havent said anything yet

disaster gay: CAUSE

disaster gay: i want it to be unexpected 💀💀

french baguettei: 911 this Squirrel wants to kill people with his good looks

disaster gay: gAsp

disaster gay: did u just …. admit ….. that im handsome????

french baguettei: nonexistent* good looks

disaster gay: it was worth a shot i guess :’(

moms spaghetti: its okay sungie, hes a Straight anyway

french baguettei: yall rlly won't let me live

much regretti: it was kind of a dumb idea tho

french baguettei: i hate when ur right

 **_french baguettei_ ** _’s name has been changed to_ **_heterodumb_ ** _._

heterodumb: i keep screaming but god never answers

disaster gay: thats rough buddy ://

 

**private chat: a tired mother and her ungrateful son**

(b)Rat: woojin did jisung dye his hair

old hag: why yes minho, my day has been great so far! thanks for asking!

(b)Rat: a simple yes or no wouldve done

(b)Rat: woojin?

(b)Rat: UGH FINE

(b)Rat: hOw wAs yOuR dAy mOtHer?

old hag: it couldve been better :/

(b)Rat: oh mood

old hag: thanks for asking tho :)

(b)Rat: only bc u would have my head in if i didnt

woojin: dont disrespect ur mom ://

(b)Rat: yeah yeah w/e

(b)Rat: 🙄

old hag: im asking hyunjin for a spare key

old hag: im dropping by tonight :)

(b)Rat: no wait pleas

old hag: :)))

(b)Rat: :((

(b)Rat: fine can u at least answer my question before u murder me

old hag: hmmm

old hag: what was the question again? 😇

(b)Rat: scroll up hoe

old hag: youre the only hoe here

(b)Rat: xcuse u i am Loyal to jisung and jisung only

old hag: that's not what ur bts poster would have to say ://

(b)Rat: stfu 🗿

old hag: why do you asked abt jisungs hair tho

(b)Rat: bc

(b)Rat: i thought i saw him earlier but the person had dark hair instead of blonde so i was just wondering

(b)Rat: he hasnt said anything in the gc yet but i figured if he Did dye it youd be the firt to know

old hag: damn right i would

old hag: but alas he hasnt

old hag: as far as i'm concerned

(b)Rat: o ok

(b)Rat: well this is awkward now

old hag: indeed

(b)Rat: ill just . back away slowly

(b)Rat: tganks mother

old hag: yw Brat

 

**the gays except for changbin, our token straight**

harry chest man: **@chaotic dumbass #2** BRO WHERE R U

chaotic dumbass #2: IM COMING SKDHJS I THINK I SEE YOU

harry chest man: GOOD BEVAUSE I HATE BEING IN CROWDS ALONE

head honcho: how can u be alone in a crowd of people tho

harry chest man: lIsTeN

chaotic dumbass #1: and yall say im the dumbass

harry chest man: I DONT KNOW ANYONE HERE I MIGHT AS WELL BE ALONE

satan: um

satan: context?

papa kangaroo: lix and sung are meeting up at the farmers market since they have some kind of event

harry chest man: im just in it for the free food 😤

head honcho: WHAT

head honcho: THERES FREE FOOD WHY DIDNT YALL INVITE ME

captain (america): gosh i wonder why

head honcho: GASP

head honcho: i trusted u changbin :(

captain (america): mistake #1

satan: changbin ill Kill u

satan: if it makes u feel any better jinnie, i wouldve taken u if i had actually Known about it

jeongout: seungmin? willingly admitting he'd put time aside for someone who Isn't his family? character development

chaotic dumbass #1: we love a whipped man 😣

satan: yall better back tf up before u get Smacked tf up

mama bear: no smacking in this house

chaotic dumbass #1: kinky

mama bear: ://///

head honcho: AW ty minnie <333

head honcho: **@harry chest man @chaotic dumbass #2** YALL BETTER BRING ME SMTH BACK

chaotic dumbass #2: aye aye captn

harry chest man: JISUNG AKDHJSS WHERE ARE YOU

chaotic dumbass #2: IM LITERALLY !!!! WAVING TO U !!!!

harry chest man: i dOnT SEE YOU

satan: maybe you should get some new glasses, grandma

harry chest man: STFU IM LIKE A WEEK OLDER THAN U AAAA

jeongout: is it that hard to spot jisung in a crowd

captain (america): hes just that short ig💀

papa kangaroo: Says you?

head honcho: OOF

chaitic dumbass #2: FELIX CMON MAN

harry chest man: I ONLY SEE A DARK HAIRED PERSON WAVING TO ME JISUNG WHERE ARE YOU

mama bear: wait for it

harry chest man: waiT-

papa kangaroo: There It Is

harry chest man: OH MY FIXJSKSSMSJNS

captain (america): lmaoo rip

harry chest man: HOKY FUKNIGN SHIT HOW DO I BREATHE

harry chest man: WHAT THE FUCK IMSO FUKCINFG AYYYYYY

chaotic dumbass #1: Hands Off my man

head honcho: WHAT

satan: is he dying?

jeongout: finally

head honcho: I AM CONFUSION PLEASE HELP

chaotic dumbass #2: KAGSJSHHAHA HIS FACE IS BRIGHT RED MY LUNNGS

head honcho: WHAT'S GOING ON SPILL THE TEA

harry chest man: JSNUG STPP TAKING POCTURES OF ME

chaotic dumbass #2: ;)))

chaotic dumbass #2: RLLY THO U LOOK LIKE A TOMATO

harry chest man: STFUDISHSUKSS MY POOR GAY HEART CANNOT HABFLE

satan: im convinced yall are having a stroke

jeongout: jisungs friends have been awfully quiet

papa kangaroo: 👀

head honcho: DO YALL KNOW SMTH

papa kangaroo: W e l l ll  l l

papa kangaroo: perhaps jisung dyed his hair

head honcho: O H WORM?

chaotic dumbass #1: whAT

chaotic dumbass #1: HEY WOOJIN

mama bear: uwu

chaotic dumbass #1: I TRSUUSTED UUUU

mama bear: IN MY DEFENSE HE WANTED TO KEEP IT A SECRET

chaotic dumbass #2: hi we're back

satan: is felix alive?

harry chest man: barely

jeongout  damn

jeongout: too bad

chaotic dumbass #1: jISUNG WHATS THIS AOUT DYED HAIR

chaotic dumbass #2: hm?

chaotic dumbass #2: OH jdhdkdjdjd

chaotic dumbass #2: i dyed my hair 👀👀

head honcho: WHEN

head honcho: WHAT COLOR

head honcho: DOES IT LOOK GOOD

harry chest man: it looks so good im so fuckungb gay

chaotic dumbass #1: stay in ur fuckign Lane

chaotic dumbass #2: aww dont be jelly baby uwu

chaotic dumbass #2: n e gays show em the pic we took together lix

harry chest man: ight

harry chest man: prepare urselves

satan: i doubt hes hotter than jinnie ://

jeongout: ew

head honcho: what

mama bear: what

satan: what

chaotic dumbass #1: oh for the love of god just kiss already

satan: he says, yet he makes no move to kiss jisung

chaotic dumbass #1: im goign to SCREAM

harry chest man: 

chaotic dumbass #1: UPDATE IM SC R E AM ING

harry chest man: squish uwu

head honcho: HOKY SHIT

satan: WOW

satan: that looks . really good

jeongout: ok im gonna be Real With Yall thats really hot but like just bc i said that doesnt mean id date you so yeah minho please dont come for me

chaotic dumbass #1: ur lucky ur Cute

chaotic dumbass #2: uwu tHANKS

head honcho: DARK BLUE?

chaotic dumbass #2: yEAH

head honcho: JMSHSJSJ UGH IT LOOKS SO GOOD I STAN 😔

head honcho: maybe i should dye mine to dark blue too? 💀

chaotic dumbass #2: YES we can be twins n ill help u

satan: guess ill go dig my grave then

jeongout: He Shall Perish

mama bear: ominous :/

chaotic dumbass #1: omg im not okay rnnnnnn chaotic dumbass #1: ITS LOOKS SO GODO

chaotic dumbass #2: aww thank you uwuwu

chaotic dumbass #1: but like

chaotic dumbass #2: ?

chaotic dumbass #1: can i ask u smth

chaotic dumbass #2: sure

chaotic dumbass #2: u can go ahead n slide into my dms

chaotic dumbass #1: lit

head honcho: dont have too much fun 👀

 

**private chat: minsung is superior <3**

god himself: whhy didn u tell me :(((

cutest squirrel: IM SORRY ADJSHSH

cutest squirrel: i wantedit to be a surprise :((

cutest squirrel: the othergroup only knew bc theyre the Ogs ™

cutest squirrel: ...plus i needed woochans permission and changbin hadto help me

god himself: kshshs yall rlly are a family

cutest squirrel: i deny this statement

god himself: whatever u say jan

cutest squirrel: n E gAyS

cutest squirrel: was that it

god himself: yeah ig

cutest squirrel: please dont take it personally :(

cutest squirrel: i was planning to tell everyone

cutest squirrel: actually ,, i waskinda worried abt telling everyone

god himself: wh

god himself: whY

cutest squirrel: BC

cutest squirrel: i was,,, kind of worried abt how youd react,,,??? 👉👈

cutest squirrel: bc ur constantlt praising my blonde hair n i didnt know how youd feel if i changed it :((

cutest squirrel: its kinda childish but ,, haha

god himself: oh jisungie :(

god himself: u know i adore u right

god himself: u dont need to worry abt what ill think bc ill support anything u do as long as its not Illegal or anything

cutest squirrel: ssnsksjsm

god himself: and u could literally pull off like . any hair color

god himself: yes i love ur blonde hair but F u c k your blue hair looks so good too

god himself: u in general just look really good

god himself: stop being so hot >:(((

god himself: its doing things to my heart

cutest squirrel: ajshsjshs im blushing stOp

god himself: no u

cutest squirrel: but hhh thanks minho :(

god himself: anything for u jisungie :(

cutest squirrel: ily :((

god himself: ily more :((

cutest squirrel: but ily the most

god himself: but ily the mostest

cutest squirrel: we've been over this Sweetie ily the mostestest

god himself: lies u cant love me more than i love u

cutest squirrel: yeah i can swuare up THOT

god himself: U CANT EVEN SPELL RIGHT

cutest squirrel: SHUT UP NSJSJSJNS FIGHT ME

god himself: MEET ME IN THE DENNYS PARKING LOT

cutest squirrel: UR ON BITDH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> currently debating if i should make an authors note to announce this but: i am discontinuing this fic. ive lost inspiration for it and i just dont know how to continue it. i dont wanna delete it in case it made anyone really happy but i cant force myself to continue it. im so sorry to everyone who wanted an update :(
> 
> thank you if youve made it all the way here. please know that things were gonna be sorted out in the end 😌 stream side effects <3 i love you guys


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